Q. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A. He heard the snow blower coming. Read more

I have an "owie" on my lip. Will you kiss it and make it better? Read more

Q: Why do shoemakers go to heaven?
A: Because they have good soles.

Q: Why do bikes have kick-stands?
A: Because they're two-tired. Read more

Why do people scratch their heads when they are thinking hard? Read more

A French man nearly got away with stealing a number of paintings from the Louvre.
However, after planning the robbery and getting in and out and past security, he was captured only three blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
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Dear Son,

Your Pa has a new job. The first in 48 years. We are a little better, off now, getting $17.96 every Thursday. So we up and thought we'd do a little fixin` up. We sent to Rosemont and Seasbuck for one of them there bathrooms you hear so much about and it took a plumber to put it in shape.
On one side of the room is a great big long thing, something like the hogs drink out of, only you get in it and wash all over. Over on the other side is a little white thing called a sink, this is for light washing, like face and hands, but over in the other corner we really got something.
There you put one foot in, wash it clean, pull a chain and get fresh water for the other foot. Two lids come with the darn thing and we ain't had any use for them in the bathroom, so I'm using one for a bread board and the other we framed grandmother's picture in.
They were awful nice people to deal with and they sent us a roll of writing paper with it Read more

A chief of a small island nation was obsessed with the English royalty, and his hobby was collecting thrones. He had wooden ones by the dozen stacked in the upper section of his giant grass covered palace that had many rooms for him and his cabinet. One day, his people presented him with a large stone throne and he had his servants carry it to the upper floor of his hut and he put it in the center of all the wooden thrones. The king was very happy. That evening he rushed home from the hard day of being sovereign, dashed upstairs and flopped into the new throne. When this happened the floor gave away and all the thrones came tumbling down bringing the building with them.
Moral: PEOPLE IN GRASS HOUSES SHOULDN`T STOW THRONES. Read more

A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat, "I`m the greatest hitter in the world," he announced.Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed."Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again,"I`m the greatest hitter in the world!"He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed."Strike Two!" he cried.The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully.He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more,"I`m the greatest hitter in the world!"Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed."Strike Three!""Wow!" he exclaimed. "I`m the greatest pitcher in the world. Read more

Q. What does it mean when the baby`s head is crowning? A. It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you. Read more

First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you`ll want to be doing something else. Read more