Q. What did the dog say when he sat on sand paper?
A. "Rough rough".
Q. Why did the ape run around with a piece of raw meat on his head?
A. He thought he was a gorilla. (griller)! Read more

Politics
Israel`s economy is in a bad way, inflation is getting higher and immigrants are flooding in from all over the world. Problems, problems, problems, but what should they do? So the Knesset holds a special session to come up with a solution.
After several hours of talk without progress one member, Yitzhak, stands up and says "Quiet everyone, I`ve got it, I`ve got the solution to all our problems. We`ll declare war on the United States."
Everyone starts shouting at once. "You`re nuts! That`s crazy!"
"Hear me out!" says Yitzhak. "We declare war. We lose. The United States does what she always does when she defeats a country. She rebuilds everything; our highways, airports, shipping ports, schools, hospitals, factories, and loans us money, and sends us food aid. Our problems would be over.
"Sure," says Benny, another minister, "that`s if we lose. But what if we win?" Read more

Sit on my face and let me get to `nose` you better? Read more

A little girl asked her mother for ten cents to give to an old lady in the park.
Her mother was touched by the child's kindness and gave her the required sum.
"There you are, my dear," said the mother. "But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?"
"Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells sweets" Read more

The note
Howard had been a good Jew all his life. Now, 90 years old, he was very ill and in hospital. His family were with him. Then his Rabbi arrived.
As the Rabbi walked up to the bed, Howard `s condition began to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. When the Rabbi gave him a pencil and a piece of paper, Howard used his last ounce of energy to write a short note. Then he died.
The Rabbi placed the note in his jacket pocket and said prayers.
Later, at Howard’s funeral, as the Rabbi was finishing the eulogy, he suddenly remembered the note.
"I’ve just remembered," said the Rabbi to those present, "that Howard handed me a note just before he died. I haven`t looked at it yet, but knowing Howard, I`m sure there`s a word of comfort in it for all of us."
The Rabbi opened the note and read, "Help, you`re standing on my oxygen tube!" Read more

Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head.(Minnesota Dumb Laws) Read more

You know you are addicted to coffee if ... You have to watch videos in fast-forward. Read more

Did you know my wife went to a self-help group for compulsive talkers?
It`s called On and On Anon.
Read more

Thing to do in the bathroom stall...

Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free"

Read more

The night out
Moishe telephoned his wife Sadie. “Sadie, darling, I’ve got some good news. You know that Lloyd Webber musical you’ve always wanted to see?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I’ve just bought us two tickets to see it.”
“Oh Moishe, that’s marvellous. I’ll start dressing immediately.”
“Sadie, that’s just what I wanted to hear you say. The tickets are for tomorrow night’s performance.” Read more