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1 Drive Through ATM ProceduresPlease note that Banks are installing new "Drive-through" teller machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.MALE PROCEDURE* 1 Drive up to the cash machine.* 2 Put down your car window.* 3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.* 4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.* 5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt.* 6 Put window up.* 7 Drive off.FEMALE PROCEDURE* 1 Drive up to cash machine.* 2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine.* 3 Set parking Brake, Put the window down.* 4 Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card.* 5 Turn the radio down.* 6 Attempt to insert card into machine.* 7 Attempt to insert card into machine.* 8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.* 9 Insert card.* 10 Re-insert card the right side up* 11 Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.* 12 Enter PIN.* 13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.* 14 Enter amount of cash required.* 15 Check make up in rear view mirror.* 16 Retrieve cash and receipt.* 17 Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.* 18 Place receipt in back of checkbook.* 19 Re-check make-up again.* 20 Drive forwards 2 feet.* 21 Reverse back to cash machine.* 22 Retrieve card.* 23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.* 24 Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male drivers queuing behind.* 25 Restart stalled engine and pull off.* 26 Drive for 2 to 3 miles.* 27 Release Parking Brake.
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2 Customer ServiceI`m not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me.
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| Rating: 4 from 5 (One vote) |
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3 Insufficient FundsA young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!""I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad."You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble.""What are you talking about? That`s one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake.""I don`t think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, `Insufficient Funds`."
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4 Online BankingTECH: Hello, Friendly Internet. May I help you?CUSTOMER: Oh, hello young man. I was wondering if you offer online banking?TECH: We`re an Internet service provider, ma`am. You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking.CUSTOMER: What do I need to do that?TECH: You just need the modem in your computer. That plugs into a phone jack. Sign up for an account, and sign up for online banking with your bank.CUSTOMER: But where does the money come out?TECH: I`m not sure I understand?CUSTOMER: You know...Does the money come out from that slot on the computer?
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| Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
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5 Iraqi BankingAn Iraqi goes to the bank to get his salary from a French Company. The Saudi manager of the bank asks him to sign on the back of the check."That`s humiliation," shouts the Iraqi, "why should the French sign on the front and I sign on the back. I want my money NOW!"The Saudi refuse to pay him and the Iraqi keeps shouting in the bank then the American high manager comes with a 5kg hammer and knocks the Iraqi on the head.After 5 minutes the Iraqi wakes up, signs the back of the check and gets his money. The Saudi clerk goes to the Iraqi and asks, "Tell me why you didn`t sign the check the first time but signed it later on?"The Iraqi said, "You missed the point, you just told it to me, but the American explained it."
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