| Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 1 No Great LossBill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers that, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy.""No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside...that would be a tragedy.""I`m afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer."What?" asks Clinton, "Isn`t there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy.""Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?""Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn`t be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!"
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| Rating: 3.5 from 5 (2 votes) |
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| 2 Hillary in HeavenHillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?""That`s Mother Teresa`s. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie.""Whose clock is that?""That`s Abraham Lincoln`s clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life.""Where`s Bill`s clock?" Hillary asked."Bill`s clock is in Jesus` office. He`s using it as a ceiling fan."
| | Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 3 Presidential PigsAir Force One comes in for a landing at the airport. A ramp is wheeled up and President Clinton appears carrying a pig under each arm.As he comes down the ramp, the Marine at the bottom snaps to a salute.Clinton says, "You`ll have to excuse me. I can`t return your salute. My hands are full.""Yes Sir. I see the pigs Sir!" responds the Marine."Now hold on," says Clinton. "These aren`t just pigs. These are genuine Arkansas Razorbacks.""Yes Sir! Razorbacks Sir!" says the Marine."I got this one for Chelsea and this one for Hillary," Clinton explains.The Marine answers, "Yes Sir! An excellent trade if I may say so myself Sir!"
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| 4 Make Someone HappyBill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."
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| 5 OzBill Clinton, Newt Ginrich and Dan Quayle were riding in a car in the mid-west.. Along came a tornado and picked up the car and threw it 100s of miles away - As they were climbing out of the car and checking themselves for injuries, Newt Gingrich exclaimed that he thought they were in OZ - he said "I`m going to see the wizard and ask for a heart", Dan Quayle said "I`m going to see the wizard and ask for a brain".....Bill said "Where`s Dorthy?"
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