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Comparing Cultures
A Jewish man and a Chinese man were conversing. The Jewish man commented upon what a wise people the Chinese are.
"Yes," replied the Chinese man, "Our culture is over 4,000 years old. But, you Jews are a very wise people, too."
The Jewish man replied, "Yes, our culture is over 5,000 years old."
The Chinese man was incredulous, "That`s impossible," he replied. "Where did your people eat for a thousand years?"
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Yo mama so fat she got more chins than a Chinese phone book!
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The Hypnotized Fly
From New Delhi to Bombay came a very dirty train. The train had many animals in the corredors, and many people eating and making more garbage. In one cabin, there were a Chinese man and a Jewish man sitting one in front of the other.
Suddenly a fly alit on the Chinese man`s head, and using his kung fu, he hypnotized the fly only with his eyes. Then he took the fly, opened his mouth, looked at the Jewish man, and ate it.
Five minutes later came another fly, and the Chinese guy did the same thing.
The next fly landed, this time on the Jewish`s mans head. He did the same thing; with his eyes he hypnotized the fly, took it, opened his mouth, looked at the Chinese guy, and asked, "Do you want to buy it?"
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| 34
Hey man, I`m A Panda
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich.
He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn`t pay for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey, man, I`m a PANDA! Look it up!"
The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:
A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.
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| 35
Chinese Delivery Man
Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling: "You sign! You sign!". Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.
Nelson is standing there in complete amazement when the chinese man starts to yell louder. "You sign! You sign!"
Nelson says to him, "Look mate, you`ve obviously got the wrong bloke. Sod off." and shuts the door in the Chinese man`s face.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back, with a huge truck full of brake pads.
He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson`s nose, yelling "You sign! You sign!"
Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he shoves the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, sod off! You`ve got the wrong bloke! I don`t want them!" then slams the door in the Chinese man`s face again.
The following day Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, hears a knock on the door again. Upon opening the door, the little Chinese man thrusts the same clipboard under his nose, shouting "You sign! You sign!". Behind him are TWO large trucks full of wingmirrors.
Nelson loses his temper completely, picks the little man up by his shirt front and yells at him: "Look, I don`t want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong man! Who do you want to give these to?"
The little Chinese man looks at him a bit puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:
"You not Nissan Maindealer?"
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