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| 26 A man and his wife are driving down the road
when a cop pulls them over. The cop says to the man, "Do you
know that you were speeding?" The man replies, "No sir, I
didn't know I was speeding." The mans wife then yells,
"Yes you did, you knew you were speeding I've been telling you
to slow down for miles." "SHUT UP!" the man says to
his wife, "Shut the hell up, just sit back and be quite."
Then the cop says, "well, since I've got you pulled over did
you know that the tag on your license plate is expired?"
"No Sir" the man replies, "I did not know that"
"WHATEVER!" His wife yells, "I've been telling you to
go get it up to date for 2 whole months now!" "Shut
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| 27 A priest walked into a barber shop in
Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it
would be. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service
to the Lord." The next morning, the barber came to work and
there were 12 prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in
front of the door.
Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He
then asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I
consider it a service to the community." The next morning, he
came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from
the police officer.
Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked
how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a
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| 28 A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in
the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered
to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man
groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you
don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again,
the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched
briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood
over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him,
but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop
surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's
your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from
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| 29 A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot
overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside
with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat
reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting.
He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver's window and
knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said,
"Yes Officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked. "What does it look like?"
answered the young man. "I'm reading this magazine." Pointing towards
the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is
she doing?" The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What
does it look like? She's knitting."
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| 30 An eight-year-old boy went into a grocery store
and picked out a large box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over
and asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. "Oh, no laundry,"
the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog." "But you shouldn't use this
to wash your dog," said the grocer. "It's very powerful and if you wash
your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him." But
the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter
and paid for it. A week later, the boy was back in the store to buy
some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he
died," the boy said. The grocer said he was sorry, but added, "I tried
to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog." "Well, the boy
replied, &
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