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| 56 Mr. Smith and his son Rick were called to Mrs. Liventhal's classroom.
"Mr. Smith," said the teacher, "I asked Rick 'Who shot Abraham Lincoln?' and he said that he didn't do it!"
"Well, teacher," said Smith, "if my kid said he didn't do it -- he didn't do it!"
Father and son left the school, and on their way home, Smith turned to the boy and asked, "Tell me, son, did you do it?"
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| 57 There were three idiots who were in another country and they didn't know the language. So they decided that they would go to the local village and they would each learn one new phrase. So they went to the village, and the first idiot was watching a girl sing, "Me,me,me,me,me!!" So that was the first idiot's phrase. The second idiot saw a street vender who was selling silverware and who was saying "Forks and knifes." And that was the second idiot's phrase. The third idiot went to a park and saw a boy saying, "Swing me first!" And that was the third idiot's phrase. The three idiots met back and were about to tell each other their new phrases when a policeman ran up and said, "There has been a murder. Who did it?" The idiots decided to use their new phrases, so the first one said, "Me,me,me,me,me!" The policeman said, "What was the murder weapon?" The second idiot said, "Forks and knifes." The policeman said, "Y'al
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| 58 A preacher was standing at the pulpit giving his Sunday sermon when a note was passed to him. The only word written on the sheet was IDIOT. Looking up at the congregation, the preacher smiled and said: I have heard of men who write letters and forget to sign their names but this is the first time I will see a man sign his name and forget to write the letters.
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| 59 Two guys John and Dick were just about to go to sleep when they realized the gate to their car garage was not yet closed. Each one wanted the other to go and close it. Dick came with a solution he said, I will ask you a question if you answer it properly you will close the gate otherwise I will close it. Bright idea! Said John, go ahead and ask. Well said the Dick, There is small domestic animal, it spends most of its time in the house and sometimes it roams in the garden, it catches mice and cries mew, mew, I mean meow, meow. What is it? Well, that must be a fish answered John. After thinking for moment Dick exclaimed Oh! You got it!!
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| 60 Two New Yorkers are in Las Vegas gambling, and they win two hundred thousand dollars. One man says to the other, “come on let’s go out and paint the town!†“You know.†Says his friend, “I think this money is New York money. This dough is earmarked for the Big Apple, and I think we should go back there to spend it.†“You’re right,†says the first man. “Let’s go out to the airport right now and catch the first plane back.†“Forget the airport,†says the friend, “let’s just take a limo.†“Forget the limo,†says the first man, and then he yells, “taxi!†A cab pulls up in front of the two men. The friend opens the door and is about to get in when the first man says to him, “Say, where in New York do you live?†“Fifty-ninth Street,†says the friend. The first man then says, “In that case, I had better get in first because I’m getting out at forty-third.â€
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