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Category Italian Jokes (51 jokes in 11 pages)
The best funny Italian Jokes and clean Italian Jokes.
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| Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 46
An old italian man and woman were married for years even though
they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and
yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement
was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. "When I die
I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you
for the rest of your life!" They believed he practiced black magic
and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at
all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a
closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local
bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her
actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a
group to ask these questions: "Are you not worried? Concerned? Afraid
of this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would
dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for
the rest of your life?" The wife put down her drink and said..."let
the old bastard dig. I had him buried upside down."
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| | Rating: 4 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 47
An Italian family is at the dinner table when the father
says to his oldest son, "Tony, why you-a such a fat-a fuck?"
Tony says, "Poppa, it`s-a Mama`s spaghetti! I can`t-a
stop-a eating it."
Poppa says, "You should-a take-a smaller bites!"
Then Poppa says to his middle son, "Michael, why you-a such
a fat-a fuck?"
Michael says, "Poppa, it`s-a Mama`s lasagna. I can`t-a stop-a
eating it, it`s-a so good."
Poppa says, "You should-a also take-a smaller bites."
Then Poppa says to his youngest son, "Fredo, how you-a stay
so slim-a and-a trim-a?"
Fredo says, "It`s-a so easy, Poppa. I eat-a lots and lots
of-a pussy."
Poppa says, "Pussy? Pussy, that`s-a taste like shit!"
Fredo says, "Poppa, You should-a take-a smaller bites!!
| | Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 48
A Frenchman and an American were seated next to an Italian
on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began
discussing their home lives.
"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman
bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and
she told me how much she adored me."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the American
responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet
and told me she could never love another man."
When the Italian remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked,
"And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," he replied. "Only once?" the American arrogantly snorted.
"And what did she say to you this morning?"
"Don`t stop."
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| | Rating: 1 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 49
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"
"What`s the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you`ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I`m just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely. And I`m sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"What`s a `man`, Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he`ll give you a hard time. But, he`ll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He`ll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack."
"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, well. He`s better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition."
"What`s that, Lord?"
"You`ll have to let him believe that I made him first."
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| 50
Three Italian mothers were attending a football game.
Each had a son playing on the same team. At the start of
the game, the first boy saw his opportunity, grabbed the
ball and running quickly, out-foxed the opposing team,
making the first touchdown. His mother, obviously proud
of her son, sprang from the bleachers, shouting in her
broken Italian accent, "Thatsa *my* boy! I raised him
onna da Pet milk. Ain`t he-a Peach?"
Soon, the second boy received the ball and in a spectacular
run down the field, made another goal for the team. Not
wanting to be outdone by the first boy`s mother, the
second boy`s mother jumped from her seat, exclaiming,
"Thatsa *my* boy!! I raised him onna da breast milk.
Ain`t he-a wonderful?"
The third boy, hadn`t done so well, but finely someone
threw him the ball. He fumbled it, then recovered...
running in the wrong direction, fell with the ball, ran
some more, stumbled again, dropped it once more, recovered
it and finally crossed the goal line on the wrong end of the
field. The third Italian mother couldn`t stand it any longer.
Rising from her place in the stands, she shouted, "Thatsa
*my* boy! I raised him onna Milk of Magnesia.
Ain`t he-a the shits?"
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