| Rating: 3.33 from 5 (3 votes) |
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Two Italians, Luigi and Antonio, met on the street.
"Hey, Antonio," said Luigi, "Where you been for the past
two weeks? No one seen you around."
"Dona talka to me, Luigi," replied Antonio. "I been inna jail."
"Jail!" exclaimed Luigi. "What for you been in jail?"
"Wella, Luigi," Antonio said, "I was lying onna dis beach,
and the cops come, arrest me and throw me inna jail."
"But dey dona throw you in jail just for lying onna da
beach!", Luigi countered.
"Yeah, but dis beach was screamin` and akickin` and ayellin`!"
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| Rating: 4 from 5 (One vote) |
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About halfway through the reception, the brides mother
went to her daughter and said, "Go upstairs and ah make
ah your husband ah happy, eh?" The bride did as she was
told, and upon finding her new husband, she took him
upstairs above the celebrating crowd`s watchful eye.
He knew what was to take place, wasting no time, he took
his tuxedo jacket, dress shirt and t-shirt off. She noticed
that he had a hairy chest! Aghast, she quickly ran
downstairs, found her mother and told her "Momma, he`s got
ah hairy chest!" Her mother, in hopes to calm her down,
said "Go upstairs and ah make ah your husband ah happy, eh?"
She went back upstairs. He then took off his pants and she
noticed that his legs were hairy too! She was quite old
fashioned and didn`t know what to think, so she ran
downstairs yet again to find her mother. She found her,
pulled her aside and said, "Momma, Momma Mia - he`s got ah
hairy legs too, what am I ah going to do, eh?" Her mother
trying to soothe her again, said "Now go upstairs child and
make ah your husband ah happy, eh? Now go upstairs child!"
She went back to the room, when she entered, he took his
shoes off, then his socks. When she looked down, she noticed
that one of his feet was half gone! She ran downstairs,
frightened and found Momma once again - "Momma, he`s got ah
foot and ah half!" But this time, the mother thought and
said "Child, you stay downstairs and ah let your Momma go
upstairs and ah make ah your husband ah happy!"
| | Rating: 2 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 28
A band at an Italian wedding decided to take requests.
Nunzio walks up and asks, "Scuse me, do youse guys know da
song `Strangers in da Night`?
The band leader says, "Sure we know that one."
Nunzio says, "Hey! dat`s great! But I got just one favor -
could youse play it in 5/4 time?"
"Isn`t it played in 4/4 time?" the band leader asked.
"Yeah, but dis here`s a special occasion, know whut I mean?"
The band discusses amongst themselves, then the leader turns
and says, "I don`t think we`ll have any problems."
Nunzio turns and yells out, "Hey, Cousin Vinnie! C`mon up
here and sing!"
Cousin Vinnie walks up to the mike as the band begins the
intro, and then starts to sing, "Strangers in da f*ckin`
night..."
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| Rating: 4.5 from 5 (2 votes) |
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| 29
A wealthy American man was having an affair with an Italian
woman for a few years. One night, during a rendezvous, she
confided to him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin
his reputation or his marriage, he told her he would pay her
a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child.
If she stayed there, he would also provide child support until
the child turned 18.
She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby is born.
To keep it discreet, he told her to mail him a postcard, and write
"Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support.
One day, about nine months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange postcard today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I`ll explain it later," he said.
The wife did as she was asked, and watched as her husband read the
card, turned white and fainted. On the card was written "Spaghetti,
spaghetti, spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
| | Rating: 1 from 5 (2 votes) |
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| 30
HOW TO IMPRESS AN ITALIAN WOMAN:
Wine her,
Dine her,
Call her,
Hug her,
Support her,
Hold her,
Surprise her,
Compliment her,
Smile at her,
Listen to her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Romance her,
Believe in her,
Cuddle with her,
Shop with her,
Give her jewelry,
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand,
Write love letters to her,
Go to the end of the earth and back again for her.
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