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Category Italian Jokes (51 jokes in 11 pages)
The best funny Italian Jokes and clean Italian Jokes.
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| Rating: 3 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 36
Franco, the Italian Stallion at the local night club, leaned
forward and said to the young lady he was dancing with, "I`d
like to compliment you on your panties. They are pink with
your initials embroidered, and trimmed in lace."
"How do you know?" inquired the young lady.
Franco replied, "I`m wearing my three hundred dollar Gucci
shoes that are highly polished, and I can see the reflection
up your skirt."
With that, the young lady slaps his face and hurries off the
dance floor.
A short time later, Franco begins dancing with another pretty
young lady, when he says, "I`d like to compliment you on your
panties. They are brown with tan trim and embroidered with
the day of the week."
"How do you know?" she demanded to know.
Franco replied, "I`m wearing my three hundred Gucci shoes.
They are highly polished and I can see the reflection of what
is up your skirt."
Again, Franco gets his face slapped, and the second young lady
storms off the dance floor.
Unaffected by his rejections, Franco begins dancing with yet
another pretty young lady. After a moment, he asks, "Are you
wearing black, furry panties?"
The pretty young lady replied, "I`m not wearing any panties
at all."
"Thank God," he blurted out, "because I thought I had a split
in my three hundred dollar Gucci shoes!"
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| | Rating: 1 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 37
An old Italian woman is riding the elevator in a very
lavish New York City Office Building. A young and beautiful
woman gets into the elevator and smelling like expensive
perfume turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly,
"Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!" The next young and
beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly
turns to the old Italian woman and says, "Chanel No. 5,
$150 an ounce!" About three floors later, the old Italian
woman has reached her destiny and is about to get off the
elevator. Before she leaves, looks both beautiful women in
the eye, she bends over, and farts...
"Broccoli - 49 cents a pound."
| | It still doesn't have a vote, be the first one that votes it! |
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| 38
An Italian tourist is visiting London for the first time
in his life and speaks no English. After looking at monuments
around town he gets lost. It is midday and he is getting hungry,...
he takes out his dictionary and starts looking at shops to find a
restaurant, Chemist = farmacia, No! Newsagent=Giornalaio. No! Real
Estate=Immobiliare. No! ...and so on until he he sees a shop with
the sign "HOT DOGS" He looks at the translation and thinks " They
eat dogs, how disgusting!... " After looking around some more, he
cannot find another restaurant and thinks: I`m hungry, if they can
eat dogs, so can I!.
He goes in, takes out his dictionary and with apprehension orders
one hot dog.
When the waitress brings him the hot dog, he looks at it for a
moment and says:
- Please... I will eat any part of of the dog ... except THAT ONE!...
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| | Rating: 5 from 5 (2 votes) |
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| 39
Morris calls his son in NY and says," Benny, I have something
to tell you. However, I don`t want to discuss it. I`m merely
telling you because you`re my oldest child, and I thought you
ought to know. I`ve made up my mind, I`m divorcing Mama."
The son is shocked and asks his father to tell him what
happened. "I don`t want to get into it. My mind is made up."
"But Dad, you just can`t decide to divorce Mama just like that
after 54 years together. What happened?"
"It`s too painful to talk about it. I only called because you`re
my son, and I thought you should know. I really don`t want to
get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell
her. It will spare me the pain."
"But where`s Mama? Can I talk to her?"
"No I don`t want you to say anything to her about it. I haven`t
told her yet. Believe me it hasn`t been easy. I`ve agonized over
it for several days, and I`ve finally come to a decision. I have
an appointment with the lawyer the day after tomorrow."
"Dad, don`t do anything rash. I`m going to take the first flight
down. Promise me that you won`t do anything until I get there."
"Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Passover. I`ll hold off
seeing the lawyer until after the Seder. Call your sister in NJ
and break the news to her. I just can`t bear to talk about it
anymore."
A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his daughter who
tells him that she and her brother were able to get tickets and
that they and the children will be arriving in Florida the day
after tomorrow. "Benny told me That you don`t want to talk about
it on the telephone, but promise me that you won`t do anything
until we both get there." Morris promises.
After hanging up from his daughter, Morris turns to his wife
and says, "Well Sahna, it worked this time, but what are we
going to going to do next time to get them to come home for
the holidays?"
| | Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 40
An italian man buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because, he
announces, his wife has just produced "a typical Italian" baby boy
weighing 25 pounds. Congratulations showered him from all around,
and many exclamations of "WOW!" was heard. A woman faints due to
sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender
says, "Say, you`re the father of the typical Italian baby that weighed
25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father
answers, "Seventeenpounds," The bartender is puzzled, concerned, "Why?
What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth." The Italian
father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star beer, wipes his
lips on his shirt sleeve, leans in to the bartender and proudly says,
"Had him circumcised."
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