| Rating: 1 from 5 (One vote) |
| |
| 86 Oy Vey!
Four Jewish ladies are playing Bridge
in a house in Hendon.
Bette sighs and says, "Oy..."
Freda nods, sighs, and says, "Oy vey!"
Kitty says, "Oy veys meer!"
Charlotte chimes in: "Enough talk about
the children already. Let`s get back to the game."
| |
|
| Rating: 4 from 5 (One vote) |
| |
| 87 A Model Son
"I`m so upset," said Benny to his Rabbi.
"I took my son-in-law into my clothing business and yesterday I caught
him kissing one of the models!"
"Have a little patience!" advised the
Rabbi. "After all, men will be men. So he kissed one of the models, so
what, it`s not that terrible."
"But you don`t understand," said Benny.
"I make men`s clothes."
| | Rating: 4 from 5 (2 votes) |
| |
| 88 Taking it all with you
Issy was a rich man who was near death.
He was very grieved because he had worked very hard for his money and wanted
to be able to take it with him to heaven. So Issy begins to pray.
An angel hears his plea and says to him,
"I`m sorry, but you can`t take your wealth with you."
Issy implores the angel to speak to God
to see if he might bend the rules. He said he would try. In the meantime,
Issy continues to pray.
When the angel reappears, he informs Issy
that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed,
Issy gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and
places it beside his bed. Soon afterward he dies and shows up at the Gates
of Heaven.
The angel Gabriel, seeing the suitcase,
says, "Hold on, you can`t bring that in here."
Issy explains that he has permission and
suggests he verify his story with God.
Gabriel checks and says, "You`re right.
You`re allowed one carry-on bag, but I`m supposed to check its contents
before letting it through."
So Gabriel opens the suitcase to inspect
the worldly goods that Issy found too precious to leave behind and exclaims,
"You brought pavement?"
| |
|
| It still doesn't have a vote, be the first one that votes it! |
| |
| 89 Watch that door!
Hymie, a wealthy American, retires to
England and buys a fabulous English country home with over 50 rooms. He
brings in a local workman to decorate the place.
When the job is finished Hymie is delighted
but soon after realises that he`s forgotten something. There are no mezuzahs
on the doors.
He immediately goes out and buys 50 kosher
mezuzot and asks the decorator to place them on the right hand side of
each door except on the bathrooms. He`s worried that the decorator won`t
put them up correctly.
However, the job is carried out entirely
to his satisfaction and so he gives the workman an extra bonus. As the
decorator is walking out of the door he says "Glad you`re happy with the
job mate. By the way, I took out all the guarantees that were in those
little boxes and left them on the table for you."
| | Rating: 3 from 5 (One vote) |
| |
| 90 Adam’s payment
After Adam was created, there he was,
all alone, in the Garden of Eden.
Of course it wasn`t good for him to be
all by himself, so the Lord came down to visit.
"Adam," He said, "I have a plan to make
you much, much happier.
I`m going to give you a companion, a help
mate for you -- someone who will fulfil your every need and desire. Someone
who will be faithful, loving and obedient. Someone who will make you feel
wonderful every day of your life."
Adam was stunned. "That`s sounds incredible!"
"Well, it is," replied the Lord. "But
it doesn`t come for free. This is someone so special that it`s going to
cost you an arm and a leg."
"That`s a pretty high price to pay," said
Adam. "What can I get for a rib?"
| |
|
|
jokes-db.com
