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| 141 Saving
Money
Abe`s son arrived
home from school puffing and panting, sweat rolling down his face.
"Dad, you`ll be
so proud of me," he said, "I saved a pound by running behind the bus all
the way home!"
"Oy Vey!" said Abe,
"You could have run behind a taxi and saved £10."
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| 142 Moishe
Cohen
Walking through
London’s Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants,
shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the
sign, "Moishe Cohen`s Chinese Laundry."
"Moishe Cohen?"
he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop
and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks,
"How did this place get a name like "Moishe Cohen `s Chinese Laundry?"
The old man answers,
"Is name of owner."
The tourist asks,
"Well, who and where is the owner?"
"Me, is right here,"
replies the old man.
"You? How did you
ever get a name like Moishe Cohen?"
"Is simple," says
the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand
in line at Documentation Centre. Man in front is Jewish gentleman from
Poland.
Lady look at him
and go, `What your name?`
He say, `Moishe
Cohen.`
Then she look at
me and go, `What your name?`
I say, `Sem Ting.`"
| | Rating: 4 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 143 A Good
Read
Abe is sitting on
a bench in Green Park reading an anti-Semitic Newsheet. Solomon, his best
friend walks by, sees the paper, and stops --- in shock.
"What are you doing
reading that paper?" he says. "You should be reading the Jewish Chronicle!"
Abe replies, "The
Jewish Chronicle has stories about inter-marriage, anti-Semitism, problems
in Israel---all kinds troubles of the Jewish people. I like to read about
good news. This semitic paper says the Jews have all the money...the Jews
control the banks...the Jews control the press... the Jews control Hollywood.
Better to read nothing but good news!"
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| 144 The plaque
One shabbes
morning, Rabbi Levy notices seven year old David staring up at the large
plaque hanging in the shul foyer. It was covered with names and
small British flags were mounted on either side of it. David has been staring
at the plaque for some time, so Rabbi Levy walks over to him and says quietly,
"Good shabbes, David."
"Good shabbes,
Rabbi," replies David, still focusing on the plaque. "Rabbi, what is this?"
David then asks.
"Well, David," replies
Rabbi Levy, "it`s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in
the service."
Soberly, they stand
together, staring at the large plaque. Then little David`s voice is barely
audible as he asks, "Which one, the Friday night or the Saturday service?"
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| 145 Shadchen
1
A shadchen, having
sung the praises of a female client, brought his excited male prospect
to see her.
Cyril took one look
at the girl to whom the shadchen elaborately introduced him and recoiled.
"What`s the matter?"
asked the shadchen.
"You said she was
young," whispered Cyril, "but she`s forty if she`s a day! You said she
was beautiful, but she looks like a back of a bus! You said she was shapely,
but she`s fat enough for two! You said --"
"You don`t have
to whisper," said the shadchen. "She`s also hard of hearing."
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