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| 156 Jewish logic.
Hymie says to Bernie, “Listen, why do
we need this letter M in the word ‘Yitzhak’?”
Bernie says, “But there is no M in ‘Yitzhak’!”
Hymie replies, “No, I mean what if we
insert it there?”
Bernie says, “But why do we need to insert
M in ‘Yitzhak’?”
And Hymie then says, “But that`s exactly
what I`m asking you. Why do we need M in the word ‘Yitzhak’?”
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| Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 157 Jewish Mothers
Q: Why did the Jewish Mother want to be
buried near Brent Cross Shopping Centre?
A: To be sure her daughter would visit
her twice a week.
Q: What did the Jewish Mother cash dispenser
say to her customer?
A: You never write, you never call and
you only visit me when you need money.
Q: What did the Jewish Mother say when
her daughter told her she was having an affair?
A: Who`s doing the catering?
Q: What kind of cigarettes do Jewish Mothers
smoke?
A: Gefiltered.
Q: What is the most common disease transmitted
by Jewish Mothers?
A: Guilt.
Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make such good
parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.
Q: What is a genius?
A: An average pupil with a Jewish Mother.
| | Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 158 You Never Listen
Sarah comes home from her long stay in
Uganda and surprises her mother Bette, who is in the process of lighting
the Friday night candles and serving the matzoh ball soup. Bette is so
thrilled she can`t stop hugging and kissing Sarah.
Finally she says, "Sit down, darling.
Tell me all about what you were doing."
Sarah says, "Mum, I got married."
"Oy, mazeltov," says Bette, "But how could
you do that without telling me? What`s he like? What does he do? Where
is he?"
"He`s waiting outside while I tell you."
"What are you talking about? Bring him
in. I want to meet my new son-in-law."
Sarah brings him in and to her consternation,
Bette sees a black man standing before her wearing an evil grin, a feathered
cod piece, an ornate head dress, animal tooth beads and holding a tall
spear.
Bette says to Sarah, "You stupid idiot.
I said RICH doctor!"
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| Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 159 All In A Days Work
Three bubbes were sitting around and bragging
about their children.
Freda says, "Benny graduated with a first
class honours degree from Oxford and he`s now a doctor making £250,000
a year in Harley Street."
Kitty says, "Sidney graduated with a first
class honours degree from Cambridge and he`s now a lawyer making half a
million pounds a year and he lives in the City."
Ethel says, "Abe never did well in school,
never went to university but he now makes one million pounds a year working
as a sports repairman."
The other two women ask, "So what`s a
sports repairman?"
Ethel replies, "He fixes football matches,
rugby matches, cricket matches....."
| | Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 160 Last Wish
Three hunters, Chuck, Thomas and Abe,
are on safari. Unfortunately they are captured by cannibals, who start
getting the cooking pots ready. The cannibal chief tells them they can
each have one last wish.
"What`s your last request?" he asks Chuck,
an American.
"I`d like a steak," he replies.
So the cannibals kill a zebra and serve
Chuck with his steak.
"What do you want?" the cannibal chief
asks Thomas, a Londoner.
"I`d like to smoke my cigar," which they
let him do.
Then the chief asks Abe, an Israeli, "What`s
your last wish?"
"I want you to kick my bum."
"Be serious," says the chief.
"Please do it - you promised," says Abe.
"OK," says the chief and delivers the
requested kick. Abe then pulls out a gun, shoots the chief and a few other
cannibals while the rest run away.
Chuck and Thomas are furious.
"Why didn`t you do that in the first place
so we wouldn`t have had to go through all this?" they ask Abe.
Abe replies, "Are you mad? If I had done
that, the UN would have condemned me as the aggressor."
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