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| 271 Egon Ronay, you’re not
Two Jewish students were rooming together
in Manchester and they always shared the cooking of the evening meal.
One day, when Sam came home, he did not
find a hot meal waiting for them, only sandwiches. So he asked Moshe, “What`s
with the cheese sandwiches? You promised to cook us roast beef for tonight.”
Moshe replies, “I did! But the roast beef
caught fire and it spread to the vegetables so I had to put it out with
the chicken soup.”
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| 272 Out for a drive
Rifka and Abe had just left Ken Wood and
Rifka was driving them home in their old Ford Cortina. They had just turned
into Winnington Avenue, Hampstead Garden Suburb and were moving down hill
when their brakes fail.
Rifka is pressing the brake pedal as hard
as she can and she`s also trying to tear the hand brake out by the roots,
but to no avail. The car continues to gather speed.
"Oy Vay," she wails, "Abe, what should
I do, what should I do?"
"For God`s sake," Abe screams. "Hit something
cheap!"
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| 273 Honesty
"You`re in great shape," says the doctor.
"You`re going to live to be 70."
"But I am 70," Issy replies.
"Nu," says the doctor, "did I lie?"
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| 274 Announcements in synagogue newsletters
o Join us for our celebration after services.
Prayer and medication to follow.
o Weight Watchers will meet at 8pm at
the Beck Hall. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
o Remember in prayer the many who are
sick of our congregation.
o For those of you who have children and
don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
o We are pleased to announce the birth
of David Bloom, the sin of Rabbi and Mrs Shlomo Bloom.
o The Men’s Club is warmly invited to
the celebrations hosted by Hadassah. Refreshments will be served for a
nominal feel.
o Our Rabbi unveiled the synagogue’s new
fundraising campaign slogan last week
“I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours”
o If you enjoy sinning, the choir is looking
for you.
o Rabbi is on holiday. Massages can be
given to his secretary.
o Mrs Himmelfarb will be entering the
hospital this week for testes.
o The Ladies Guild have cast off clothing
of every kind and they may be seen in the basement on Thursdays.
o We are taking up a collection to defray
the cost of the new carpet in the Beck Hall. All those wishing to do something
on the carpet, please come forward and get a piece of paper.
o Don’t let worry kill you. Let your synagogue
help.
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| 275 The two Rabbis
A reform Rabbi was having an argument
with an orthodox Rabbi.
He asked him, “Why don’t you let the men
and women of your congregation sit together as they do in my congregation?”
The orthodox Rabbi (who had a mischievous
sense of humour) replied, “If you want to know the truth, I don’t really
mind them sitting together at all. The trouble is, however, that I give
sermons and I can’t have them sleeping together.”
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