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| 306 Serves you right!
Naomi, being still unmarried, was bored
one evening. So she decided to go to a London casino for the first time
ever and was persuaded to play roulette. She asked someone at the table
the best way to pick a number. He suggested putting her money on her age.
So, she put ten chips on the number 28. When the number 34 came up, she
fainted.
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| 307 Cross talk
Rabbi Rabinovitz went in to beg his board
of directors to buy a new synagogue chandelier. Arguing and pleading for
over an hour, he eventually sat down believing he had failed. Suddenly,
the president of the board said, "Why are we wasting time talking`? "First
of all, a chandelier, ... why, we haven’t got anyone who could even spell
it. Second, we haven’t got anyone who could even play it. And lastly,
what we really need in the shul is more light!"
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| 308 Vive la differance
Mrs. Levy was talking to her neighbour.
"Oy, my daughter-in-law is just so lazy! She sleeps until after ten o`clock
every single morning! My poor son, Solomon, wakes up at the crack of dawn
and has to make his own breakfast. The house she won`t clean; she made
my Solomon get her a maid so she wouldn`t have to lift a finger. Then,
when he comes home after a long, hard day at work, Solomon has to make
dinner because she can`t be bothered even with that!"
The neighbour sighs and asks, "Nu...and
how is your daughter?"
"Oh, now my daughter Rivka has an absolute
gem of a husband. He insists my Rivka pamper herself by sleeping late in
the morning; he hired help so she shouldn`t have to work so hard, and he
even comes home from work and tells her to relax while he takes care of
dinner!"
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| 309 The conversation
[We Jews are not only not allowed to conduct
business on Shabbat, we are not even supposed to talk about it...]
Yosef and Gidon meet in the synagogue
one Shabbat morning.
Yosef: Not to talk about it on Shabbat,
but I`m selling my car.
Gidon: Not to talk about it on Shabbat,
but how much are you asking for it?
Yosef: Not to talk about it on Shabbat,
but £13,000.
Gidon: Not to talk about it on Shabbat,
but I`ll give you £12,000 for it.
Yosef: Not to talk about it on Shabbat,
but let me think about it.
They meet again in the synagogue Shabbat
afternoon.
Gidon: Not to talk about it on Shabbat,
but did you think about my offer?
Yosef: Not to talk about it on Shabbat,
but I already sold it.
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| 310 Advancement
Morris Schwartz was the oldest of 7 children.
Unfortunately, he had to quit school and work to help support his younger
brothers and sisters. He never learned to read. So, when
he married and opened a bank account,
he signed his cheques just "XX".
Morris then started his own business,
which soon prospered. He became a very rich man. One day, he got a call
from his bank. "Mr. Schwartz, I wanted to ask you about this cheque. We
weren`t sure you had really signed it. All these years, you`ve been signing
your cheques, `XX`; this one is signed with three X`s..."
Morris replied, "Since I`ve become rich,
my wife thought I should have a middle name"
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jokes-db.com
