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316 The sad wedding ceremony
Freda and Moishe were getting married
at Edgware synagogue and all was going fine until the Rabbi discovered
that Freda and Moishe and their parents had disappeared. A search was immediately
made throughout the synagogue and finally, the chazzan found them sitting
in the synagogue basement. All six of them were just sitting on the floor
and crying. The Rabbi approached Freda and said, "Why are you all crying
on this most happy and important day of your lives?"
Freda looked up at the Rabbi and replied,
"My parents are alive and Moishe’s parents are alive? Who are we going
to name the baby after?"
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317 The check up
Max Levy goes to his doctor complaining
of aches and pains all over his body. After a thorough examination, the
doctor gives him a clean bill of health.
“Max, you`re in excellent shape for an
85 year old man. But I`m not a magician - I can`t make you any younger”,
says the doctor.
“Who asked you to make me younger?” says
Max. “ Just make sure I get older!”
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318 Jewish mothers are wonderful
Abbe Caponovitch, a Jewish gangster, was
dining at a kosher restaurant on New York`s Lower East Side, when members
of the mob burst in and shot him full of lead. Abbe managed to stagger
out of the restaurant and stumbled up the street to the block where his
mother lived. Clutching his bleeding stomach, he then crawled up the stairs
and banged on the door of his mother`s apartment, screaming, "Mama, Mama!
Help me, Mama!"
His mother opened the door, eyed him up
and down and said: "Bubbeleh, come in. First you eat, then you talk!"
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319 Maturity
Sarah and Suzy have been married to their
husbands for many years and are the best of friends. Sarah doesn’t think
her husband finds her attractive anymore.
"As I get older he doesn`t even bother
to look at me!" said Sarah.
"It’s the opposite for me”, replies Suzy.
“As I get older, my husband says I get even more beautiful every day."
"But that’s because your husband is an
antique dealer!"
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320 Who is to blame?
Rebecca goes to see her Rabbi. He can
see right away that she is angry. She immediately tells him that she wants
a divorce.
"Why, what`s the matter?" he asks.
Rebecca replies, "I have a strong suspicion
that he`s not the father of our youngest child!"
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