| Rating: 4 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 16
A reporter when up into the hills of West Virginia to research an article about the area. He met an old man in a small town and asked him about memorable events in his life.
"Well, one time my favorite sheep got lost. So me and my neighbors got some moonshine and went looking for it. We finally found the sheep. Then we drank the moonshine and wound up screwing the sheep. It was a lot of fun!"
The reporter knew he couldn`t write an article about that, so he asked the old man to tell him another story.
"Well, one time my neighbor`s wife got lost, so me and all the village men got some moonshine and went out looking for her. We finally found her. Then we drank the moonshine and screwed her. Now that was a lot of fun!"
The frustrated reporter told the old man that he couldn`t write articles about those stories and asked him if he had any sad memories he could talk about.
The old man paused, then said, "Well, one time I got lost...... "
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| Rating: 3 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 17
Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a whore house.
When they arrived at the whorehouse, the Madame took one look at them and decided she wasn`t going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man`s room and left them to their business.
After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking. The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or groaned...how was it for you?"
The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch."
The first man asked, "How`s that?"
"Well," said the second man, "When I nibbled on her breast... she passed gas and flew out the window!"
| | Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 18
Two old ladies were chatting one day. They were talking about this and that and the subject finally got around to sex. The first old lady said she enjoyed sex now just as much as ever.
The second old lady was surprised and asked her what her secret was.
The first old lady said when she hears her husband pulling the car into the garage she hurries and takes a shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head. When her husband comes into the bedroom, he gets turned on and has his way with her.
The second old lady decides to try this approach. So that night when she heard her husband coming home, she takes a quick shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head.
Her husband comes into the bedroom, takes one look and says, "For God`s sake Maude, comb your hair and put your teeth in, you`re starting to look like an asshole!"
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| Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 19
An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman`s doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again--the strain would be too much.
The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules. Both get really horny over time, however, and the husband decides he`d better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation.
This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the stairs--she`s coming downstairs, he`s heading up.
"Honey, I have a confession to make," the woman says, her voice quavering. "I was about to commit suicide."
"I`m glad to hear it, sweetie," the man says, "Because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!"
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| 20
A little old couple in their eighties was sitting on the couch watching the Playboy movie channel. He looked at her and asked, "Do you think we can still do that?"
"Well, we can sure try!" she answered. So they shuffled off to the bedroom. He went into the bathroom to get ready and she took off all her clothes in the bedroom. When he came out of the bathroom, he saw her standing on her head in the middle of the bedroom floor.
"What are you doing, sweetheart?" he asked.
"Well," she replied, "I thought if you couldn`t get it up, maybe you could just drop it in!"
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