| Rating: 4 from 5 (One vote) |
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A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald`s. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn`t have to split theirs.
The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We`ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."
The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "It`s his turn with the teeth."
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The Golden Years have come at last -
I cannot see; I cannot pee;
I cannot chew, I cannot screw.
My memory shrinks, my hearing stinks;
No sense of smell: I look like hell!
My body is drooping; got trouble pooping.
The Golden Years have come at last.
But the Golden Years have turned to BRASS.
If you ask me -
The GOLDEN YEARS...
Can kiss my ASS!
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I chanced to pass a window
While walking through a mall
With nothing much upon my mind,
Quite blank as I recall.
I noticed in that window
A cranky-faced old man,
And why he looked so cranky
I didn`t understand.
Just why he looked at ME that way
Was more than I could see
Until I came to realize
That cranky man was ME!
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| 24
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear perfectly again.
The elderly gentleman returned to the doctor`s in a month for a final check on the new equipment. After some tests, the doctor proclaimed, "Your hearing is perfect!"
"Thank you for helping me," replied the elderly man.
"You`re welcome," said the doctor. "Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
"Oh, I haven`t told them yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations I used to miss," replied the elderly gentleman.
"Really?" questioned the doctor. You must still be marveling at being able to hear again and just not ready to believe it yourself. That must be why you haven`t told them."
"Well, no that`s not it exactly, but I have changed my will three times!"
| | Rating: 3 from 5 (One vote) |
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In the dim and distant past
When life`s tempo wasn`t so fast,
Grandma used to rock and knit,
Crochet, tat and baby sit.
When the kids were in a jam,
They could always call on Gram.
But today she`s in the gym
Exercising to keep slim.
She`s checking the web or surfing the net,
Sending some e-mail or placing a bet.
Nothing seems to stop or block her,
Now that Grandma`s off her rocker.
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