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Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"
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| Rating: 3 from 5 (One vote) |
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| 27
Two very elderly men were having a conversation about sex.
Elmer says, "Yessir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!"
Leon replies, "You`re kidding! I can`t even manage to do it once! What`s your secret?"
To which Elmer said, "Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread. I`m not kidding!"
So the second old man rushed to the store.
The clerk asks the old man, "May I help you?`
"Yes, I`d like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please," said Leon.
"That`s a lot of bread! It`s sure to get hard before you`re done!" the clerk remarked.
Leon replies, "Damn! Does everyone know about this except me?"
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A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained.
"These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others.
"The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the third senior.
After hearing enough from his Senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said, "Just be thankful we`re still on the right side of the grass!"
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There`s quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn`t begin at 40. That`s a big fat lie.
My hair`s getting thinner, my body is not;
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.
I smell of Vick`s-Vapo-Rub, not Chanel # 5;
My new pacemaker`s all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I`ll know,
But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?
Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I`m off to read the obituary, like I do every day;
If my names not there, I`ll once again start -
Perfecting the art of falling apart.
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A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
"Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.
"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again.
The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma`s idea!"
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