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What are seniors citizens worth? They are worth a fortune, with all the silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys and lead in their feet.
As for myself, I have become a little older since I saw you last and a few changes have come into my life since then. Frankly, I have become quite a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen every day. As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. I immediately go to see John. After that Charlie Horse comes along, and he really takes a lot of my time and attention.
When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays for the rest of the day. However, he doesn`t like to stay in one place very long, so he just takes me from joint to joint. Finally after such a busy tiring day, I`m really glad to be able to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life!!
P.S. The preacher came by the other day. He said at my age, I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him, `Oh I do all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen or down in the basement, I ask myself...`What am I here after?`
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My nookie days are over;
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my sex appeal;
Is now my water spout.
Time was when of its own accord;
From my trousers it would spring.
But now I have a full time job;
To find the blasted thing.
It used to be embarrassing;
The way it would behave.
For every single morning;
It would stand and watch me shave.
As old age approaches;
It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its withered head;
And watch me tie my shoes.
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Worried because they hadn`t heard anything for days from the window in the neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her son, "Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Kirkland is?"
A few minutes later, Timmy returned.
"Well," asked Mrs. Silver, "is she all right?"
"She`s fine, except that she`s pissed at you."
"At me?" the woman exclaimed. "Whatever for?"
"She said `It`s none of your business how old she is,`" snickered Timmy.
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At the Senior Citizens` luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed they decided to go fishing together the next day.
The gentleman picked the lady up and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure. They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river and the gentleman asks the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"
All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right in the boat. When finished the man couldn`t believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he`d had in years.
They fished for a while and then continued on down the river when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?" There she went again, stripped off and made wild passionate love to him again.
This really impressed the old gentleman so he asked her to go fishing again the next day. She said yes and so here they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in the river and the gentleman asks, "Well, do you want to go up or down?"
The woman replied, "Down."
A little puzzled, the gentleman drove the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asks the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?"
She replied, "Up."
This really confused the gentleman so he asks, "What`s the deal? Every time yesterday that I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing."
She replied, "Well, yesterday I didn`t have my hearing aid in and I thought you said `fuck or drown`!"
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A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I`d accumulated a fortune of $1.37."
"Then my wife`s father died and left us two million dollars."
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