| Rating: 3 from 5 (One vote) |
| |
| 36
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning and the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think honey, we`ve been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied. "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here as naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we?"
Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn`t be surprised," replied Gramps, "One`s in your coffee and the other one`s in your oatmeal."
| |
|
| Rating: 3 from 5 (One vote) |
| |
| 37
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I`ll give you each a dollar if you`ll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.
"This recession`s really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I`ll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
"Look," he said, "I haven`t received my Social Security check yet, so I`m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"
"A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we`re going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you`re nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"
And the old man enjoyed peace.
| | Rating: 4 from 5 (One vote) |
| |
| 38
Recently a tour bus full of senior citizens was traveling along an interstate. Suddenly, an elderly woman in the back screamed and jumped out of her seat. The driver pulled over and headed toward the back of the bus. When the driver got to the woman, he asked what was wrong.
The woman replied, "There`s a man trying to molest me!"
The driver asked the other passengers, but no one had seen anything. The driver turned to the woman and said, "You must have scared off the man when you screamed."
The woman agreed and returned to her seat. The bus driver resumed driving, but a few miles down the road the same woman, again, screamed and jumped out of her seat. Once again, the driver pulled over and headed to the back of the bus. "What`s wrong now?" asked the driver.
The woman replied, "That man trying to molest me, he`s under my seat!"
The driver looked under the seat, and sure enough there was an old bald guy. The driver said to the man, "Sir, this woman claims that you were trying to molest her."
The man replies, "No, no, no! I`m just looking for my toupee -- I thought I had it twice but it got away both times!"
| |
|
| It still doesn't have a vote, be the first one that votes it! |
| |
| 39
Two 80 year old men are driving down the road when they hear the Ex-Lax commercial end with the statement: "It makes you feel young again."
John looks at Sylvester and says, "We need to pull over and get a bottle of that stuff!"
Sylvester agrees and the two old men pull over and get a bottle of Ex-Lax. They both take two tablespoons each and continue to drive.
About one mile later Sylvester asks, "Well John, do you feel young yet?"
"No," replies John.
So they pull over and take four more tablespoons a piece and continue to drive down the road.
A couple of miles later, Sylvester asks, "John, do you feel younger?"
"No," replies John, "but I sure did a childish thing!"
| | Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
| |
| 40
An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman was driving. She gets pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer says, "Ma`am, did you know you were speeding?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."
The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE."
The woman gives him her license.
The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had."
The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
"HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!" the old man yells.
| |
|
|
jokes-db.com
