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| 1 Dr. Schlambaugh, a senior lecturer at the Chemical Engineering Department,University of Oklahoma, is known for posing questions on final exams like: "Why do airplanes fly?"In May a few years ago, the "Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer " exam paper contained the question:"Is Hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."Most students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle`s Law or similar. One student, however, wrote the following:First, we must postulate that if souls exist, they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls also must have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it does not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.As for souls entering Hell, let`s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some religions say that if youare not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more thanone of these religions, and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go toHell. With the birth and death rates what they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in the volume of Hell. Boyle`s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of the souls and volume needs to stay constant.[Answer 1] So, if Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature in Hell willincrease until all Hell breaks loose.[Answer 2] Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase in souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressurewill drop until Hell freezes over.So which is it? If we accept the postulate (given to me by Teresa Banyan during freshman year) that "it`ll be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and taking into account that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then [Answer 2] cannot be correct;...... thus, Hell is exothermic.The student got the only A.
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| 2 Little Johnny`s teacher asks, "What is the chemical formula for water?"Little Johnny replies, "HIJKLMNO"!!The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on Earth are you talking about?"Little Johnny replies, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"
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| 3 When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300? C.The Russians use a pencil.
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| 4 It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA -- they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime. As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, the head scientist at NASA asked everyone to be quiet as he was receiving a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it. "Mr. President," he said with a broad smile on his face, "After twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars."He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown. He said, "But that`s impossible... we could never do it... yes, Mr. President," and hung up the phone.He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously. "I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we`ve found intelligent life on Mars... he wants us to try to find it in the Congress."
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| 5 A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him."Why do we have to learn this stuff?" one young man blurted out."To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word. Finally the professor continued."Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps certain people out of medical school."
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