| Rating: 2.5 from 5 (2 votes) |
| |
| 21
An Australian entered a bar and stood beside a Scotsman.
"Where are you from, pal?" asked the Scotsman, after they`d chatted for a while.
"I`m from the finest country in the whole wide world," said the Australian.
"Are you?" said the other. "You have a damn funny accent for a Scotsman."
| |
|
| It still doesn't have a vote, be the first one that votes it! |
| |
| 22
A salesman from England was making a pitch to the furniture buyer of a Glasgow Hi-Fi store.
"And if you carry our new line of Hi-Fi units, I`ll have the pleasure of presenting you personally with a case of malt whiskey," the salesman said.
"Oh, we`re not allowed to accept gifts," said the buyer. "That would be a form of bribery."
"I`11 tell you what," said the salesman. "Just to keep it all above board, I`ll sell you the whiskey." "How much for?"
"Say, a pound for the case."
"Oh, well," said the buyer, writing out the purchase order. "At that price, I`ll take two cases."
| | Rating: 4 from 5 (One vote) |
| |
| 23
Wee Hughie was in the garden filling in a hole when his English neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the mad man was up to, he politely asked, `What are you doing there, Hughie?`
`My goldfish died,` replied Wee Hughie tearfully without looking up, `and I`ve just buried him.`
The English neighbour was very concerned. `That`s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn`t it?`
Wee Hughie patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, `That`s because he`s inside your cat.`
| |
|
| Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
| |
| 24
In the old days the English and Scottish armies used to fight by gathering their armies on top of the hills and at day break they would run down the hillside into the deep gorge below to fight.
One morning at dawn there was a fog (as thick as pea soup) and the two generals decided to refrain from fighting that day. Whilst the two armies were resting a voice, with a scottish accent came from within the dense fog.
"Any one scotsman can beat any 10 englishmen".
With this, the english general sent down 10 of his soldiers. There was a hell of a fight and NO ONE returned. An hour later, the same voice was heard.
"Any one scotsman can beat any 50 englishman".
With this the english general sent down 50 of his soldiers. The same thing, a terrible fight ensured and again NO ONE returned. An hour later the same voice.
"Any one scotsman can beat any 100 englishman".
Same same, down went 100 of the best. NO ONE returned. An hour later.
"Any one scotsman can beat any 1,000 englishman".
By this time, the english general had had enough and was about to send down his elite soldiers, when he saw a lone englishman crawling up the hill. He was battered to a pulp. As he reached his general he said, "Don`t send any more troops down, its a trap, THERES TWO OF THE THEM".
| | Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
| |
| 25
Wee Hughie came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What`s the story this time. Hughie ?" he asked sarcastically." Let`s hear a good excuse for a change.
"Wee Hughie sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning. The wife decided to drive me to the harbour. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the ferry didn`t turn up.
Rather than let you down, I swam across the river, ran over the mountain, borrowed a bicycle and cycled the 20 miles through the glen to this office."
You`ll have to do better than that. Hughie, "said his boss, disappointed. "No woman can be ready in ten minutes."
| |
|
|
jokes-db.com
