| Rating: 3 from 5 (One vote) |
| |
|
31
ABERDEEN TIPS
SAVE petrol by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers-by will think you`ve broken down and help.
Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don`t know.
HOUSEWIVES: I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.
|
|
|
| Rating: 5 from 5 (2 votes) |
| |
|
32
Why is a Scottish boy with a cold like a soldier with seven days` leave.
Because they both have a wee cough (week off).
|
| Rating: 4 from 5 (One vote) |
| |
|
33
SCOTTISH FRUITCAKE RECIPE.
You`ll need the following:
1 cup of water
1 cup of sugar
4 large brown eggs
2 cups of dried fruit
1 teaspoon of salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
1 cup of nuts
1 bottle of whiskey.
|
|
|
| Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
| |
|
34
Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it`s the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the tuner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don`t forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again and go to bed. Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway??
|
| Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
| |
|
35
When Big Peter McFlannel dies in Glasgow, his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once, so she goes to the newspaper and says "I`d like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband"
The man at the desk says "OK, how much money dae ye have?"
The old woman replies "?5" to which the man says "You wont get many words for that but write something and we`ll see if it`s ok".
So the old woman writes something and hands it over the counter and the man reads "Peter McFlannel, fae Parkheid, deid".
The clerk feels guilty at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old woman to write a few more things. The old woman ponders and then adds a few more words and hands the paper over the counter again.
The clerk then reads, "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid deid. Ford Escort for sale."
|
|
|
jokes-db.com
