Category Football Jokes
| Random joke
As in many homes on New Year`s Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important - the football games on television, or the dinner itself. To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cold drink for me. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing."See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn`t miss a thing."
| |
|
Funny pictures
Category Occasions Jokes
| Rating: 4 from 5 (One vote) |
| |
| Random joke
Answering the phone, the priest was surprised to hear the caller introduce herself as an IRS auditor.
"But we do not pay taxes, the priest said. "It isn`t you, Father, it`s one of your parishioner, Sean McCullough. He indicates on his tax return that he gave a donation of
$15,000 to the church last year. Is this, in fact, the truth?
The priest smiled broadly. "The check hasn`t arrived yet, but I`m sure I`ll have it when I remind dear Sean.
| |
|
Funny pictures
Category Chinese Jokes
| It still doesn't have a vote, be the first one that votes it! |
| |
| Random joke
What do you call a Chinese shit thrower?
Who Flung Dung.
| |
|
Funny pictures
Category Quotes Jokes
| Rating: 5 from 5 (One vote) |
| |
| Random joke
Notice to Employees (Includes Part Time Workers)
SICKNESS
We will no longer accept your doctors' statements as proof.
We believe if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to work.
LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR SURGERY
We are no longer allowing this practice. As long as you are employed here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. Anyone having operations will be FIRED immediately.
PREGNANCY
In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the first aid room when the pains are FIVE MINUTES apart. If it is false labor, you will have to take an hour's leave without pay.
DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse, BUT we would like two wee
|
Funny pictures
Category Life Jokes
| It still doesn't have a vote, be the first one that votes it! |
| |
| Random joke
Make Life More EnjoyableOld telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don`t know.Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).If a person is choking on an ice cube, don`t panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
|
Category Steven Wright Jokes
| Rating: 4.5 from 5 (2 votes) |
| |
| Random joke
When I was a baby, I kept a diary. Recently, I was rereading it. It said, "Day 1 -- Still tired from the move. Day 2 -- Everybody talks to me like I`m an idiot."
|
Category Judges Jokes
| Rating: 4 from 5 (One vote) |
| |
| Random joke
"Guilty or not guilty of begging?` asked the magistrate.
"Nearly guilty, said the beggar.
"What do you mean, ˜nearly` guilty? Asked the puzzled magistrate.
"Well, your honor, I asked the lady for twenty-five cents but I didn`t get it.
|
Category Chicken Jokes
| It still doesn't have a vote, be the first one that votes it! |
| |
| Random joke
Q: Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road?A: To take over the other side.
|
Category Monster Jokes
| Rating: 4.5 from 5 (2 votes) |
| |
| Random joke
Which snakes are found on cars?
Windshield vipers.
|
Category Genie Jokes
| Rating: 5 from 5 (2 votes) |
| |
| Random joke
A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure. He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out. The genie said "I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double." The man agreed, and said "I wish I had a mansion." The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions. The man said "I would like a million dollars." The genie again granted it and his ex-wife got two million dollars. Then the man said, "Scare me half to death."
|
Category Easter Jokes
| It still doesn't have a vote, be the first one that votes it! |
| |
| Random joke
Q: Why did a fellow rabbit say that the Easter Bunny was self-centered?
A: Because he is eggocentric.
|
|
jokes-db.com
