Top Ten Things I Can Say Now That I Lost "Am...

Top Ten Things I Can Say Now That I Lost "American Idol":

10. "If I had won, I was gonna blow the prize money on candy and fireworks"

9. "Honestly, I thought I was auditioning for `The Apprentice`"

8. "Ryan Seacrest isn`t as smart as he seems on TV"

7. "If you want to see me `perform,` I`ll be working the noon-to-8 shift at Old Navy tomorrow"

6. "George W. Bush didn`t win the popular vote either, and he`s done pretty well for himself"

5. "Underneath that table, Randy Jackson doesn`t wear pants" 4. "Until 10 minutes ago, I had no idea who Dave Letterman was"

3. "I could take down Clay Aiken with one arm in a sling"

2. "I handled my loss well -- I gathered my belongings, said my goodbyes and keyed the crap out of Simon`s car"

1. "I have one thing to say to the voters: What in the hell is wrong with you people?"