Army Jokes Category

Joining the ArmyAs the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter`soffice.There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handlethis new situation. "Oh, come o... Read more

Murphy`s Laws Of CombatIf the enemy is in range, so are you.Incoming fire has the right of way.Don`t look conspicuous, it draws fire.There is always a way.The easy way is always mined.Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.Professionals are predictable, it`s the amateurs that are dangerous.The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a. When you`re ready for them. b. When you`re not ready for them.Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.If you can`t remember, the claymore is pointed at you.The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will... Read more

Chow TimeOne of my husband`s duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rule... Read more

Army CadetA drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you`ll c... Read more

Giving sad news to a troopThe Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones` mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."Later that day the Captain called th... Read more

Why do you want to join the NavyHaving passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, ?Why do you want to j... Read more

My Wife`s ExpectingA young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. "You see," he explained, "my wife`s expecting.""Oh..." said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck."The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation: "My wife`s expecting."The Officer looked surprised. "Still expectin... Read more

The trip to the rifle range had been canceledAt one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for thesecond year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test ... Read more

A Stuck Army JeepDuring an Army war game a commanding officer?s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck."Sorry sir," said one of the loafers, "but we?ve ... Read more

A new soldier was on sentry dutyA new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, ?Halt, who goes there??The chauffeur, a corporal, says, ?General Wheeler.??I?m sorry, I can?t let you through.... Read more