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A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at
the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes
the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the
bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that
it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender
to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look,
buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell
me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a
refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of
my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go
home." Read more
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have
plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her,
"Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it
without surgery."
The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
"Just rub toilet paper between them."
Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"
"I don't know, but it worked for your ass." Read more
The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
"Just rub toilet paper between them."
Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"
"I don't know, but it worked for your ass." Read more
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.
After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone
to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in
this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and
there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!" Read more
A man limps into a bar with a cane and
alligator. The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second
here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't
allowed!" So the man says, "But my gator here does a
really cool trick..." Read more
The bartender says "Well then, lets
see!" So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators
mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the
head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when
he pulls out his dick without a single scratch. Read more
He looks around at the crowd and says,
"Does anyone else want to try?" An old lady raises her
hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick." Read more
There were these two guys in a bar, which was
on the 20th floor of a building. The first man said " I bet you
$100 I can jump out that window and come straight back in!" The
second man says "Ok, sure." and the barman holds the bet.
The first man jumps out the window and disappears for a second
before jumping straight back in. Disappointed about losing the $100,
the second man says: " I'll bet you another $100 you can't do
it again." So the barman holds the bet. Sure enough, the first
man jumps out the window, disappears for a second, then jumps
straight back in. Thinking he must have caught a freak gust of wind,
the second man says "Ok, I bet you $300 I can jump out the
window and come straight back in." The first man says" Ok,
sure." The secon Read more
This bartender is in a bar, when this really
hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I
please speak to your manager?" He says, "Not right now, is
there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't
know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..."
Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can
handle your problem, miss." She then looks at him with a smile,
and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins sucking
them, thinking "I'm in!!!" She goes, "Can you give
the manager something for me?" The bartender nods...yes.
"Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom." Read more
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He
orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping
all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and
eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up
on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and
swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in Read more
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in Read more
There's this drunk standing out on the street
corner, and a cop passes by, and says, "What do you think
you're doing?" The drunk says, "I heard the world goes
around every 24 hours, and I'm waiting on my house. Won't be long
now, there goes my neighbor." Read more
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