Bible Jokes Category

He who is without sinJesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What`s going on here, anyway?" he asked."This woman was found committing adultery, and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd respo... Read more

Kids on the Old and New TestamentsThis comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in.)... Enjoy!* In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating theworld, so he took the Sabbath off.* Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah`s wife was calledJoan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.* Lot`s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.* The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble withthe unsympathetic Genitals.* Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebellike Delilah.* Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened breadwhich is bread without any ingredients.* The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moseswent up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.* The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.* Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led thehebrews in the ba... Read more

Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor`s, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put he garbage on the ... Read more

Acts 2:38A woman went into her kitchen to find a burglar loaded down with a bunch of stuff he was stealing from her kitchen. Not having any kind of weapon to scare him off, she raised her hand and said "Acts 2:38," and proceeded to quote scripture.The burglar froze in place and didn`t move. The woman called 911, the police arrived and were amazed to find the burglar still froz... Read more

Ten CommandmentsA Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy... Read more

Ministerial CandidatesThe following is a confidential report on several candidates being considered for a ministry position.ADAMGood man but problems with his wife. Also one reference told of how he and his wife enjoy walking nude in the woods.JESUSSeldom stays in one place very long. And, of course, he`s single. Has a messiah complex.NOAHProne to unrealistic building projects.ABRAHAMThough the reference reported wife swapping, the facts seem to show he never slept with another man`s wife, but did offer to share his own wife.JOSEPHA big thinker but a braggart. Believes in dream interpreting, and has a prison record. Had been accused of adultery.MOSESA modest and meek man but poor communicator, even stuttering at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly.JOBComplains a lot.DAVIDThe most promising leader of all until we discovered his affair with his neighbour`s wife. His kids are out of control. Worse yet, he`s a proponent of instrumental music in worship.SOLOMONGreat preacher but our parsonage would never hold all those wives. Good with building projects though. Rather extravagant.ELIJAHProne to depression. Collapses under pressure. Spends too much time in wilderness. Loner. No wife that we know of.SAMSONHair is too long.JONAHRefused God`s call into ministry until he was forced to obey by getting swallowed ... Read more

Pain in the SideAt Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam`s r... Read more

Punny Biblical Q+A`sQ: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

A. Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.Q: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?

A. Pharaoh`s daughter; she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?

A. Ruth-less.Q: Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?

A. Nebuchadnezzar; he was on grass for seven years.Q: What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.A: David`s Triumph was heard throughout the land.A: Honda... because the apostles were all in one Accord.A: 2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen, "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

A. Samson; he brought the house down.Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?

A. In the Big Inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second, Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.Q: How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?

A. They were really put out.Q: What is one of the first thing that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?

A. They really raised Cain.Q: What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?

A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.Q: How long did Cain hate his brother?

A. As long as he was Abel!Q: What was the last thing Noah said before he entered the Ark?

A. So long Fellers!Q: The ark was built in 3 stories and the top story had a window to let light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories?

A. They used floodlights.Q: After the flood, how many people left the ark ahead of Noah?

A. 3 because the Bible says that Noah went f... Read more

Ways the Bible would be differentWays the Bible would be different if written by college students....Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn`t cafeteria food.Paul`s letter to the Romans becomes Paul`s e-mail to abuse@romans.gov... Read more

The VergeA Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus` Mother`s name?"One child answered, "Mary."The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus` Father`s name was?... Read more