Bill Clinton Jokes Category

No Great LossBill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers that, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy.""No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside...that would be a tragedy.""I`m afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we w... Read more

Hillary in HeavenHillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."Oh," said Hillary, "whose... Read more

Presidential PigsAir Force One comes in for a landing at the airport. A ramp is wheeled up and President Clinton appears carrying a pig under each arm.As he comes down the ramp, the Marine at the bottom snaps to a salute.Clinton says, "You`ll have to excuse me. I can`t return your salute. My hands are full.""Yes Sir. I se... Read more

Make Someone HappyBill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".Hillary... Read more

OzBill Clinton, Newt Ginrich and Dan Quayle were riding in a car in the mid-west.. Along came a tornado and picked up the car and threw it 100s of miles away - As they were climbing out of the car and checking themselves for ... Read more

The ClintonsHillary Rodham Clinton, as a New York State Senator, now comes under this fancy "Congressional Retirement and Staffing Plan," which means that even if she never gets re-elected, she STILL receives her Congressional salary until she dies.If Bill out-lives her, he then inherits HER salary until HE dies. He is already getting his Presidential salary until he dies. If Hillary out-lives Bill, she also gets HIS salary until she dies. Guess who pays for that? WE DO!It`s common knowledge that in order for her to establish NY residency, they purchased a million dollar-plus house in upscale Chappaqua, New York. Makes sense. ... Read more

Brand New KittensAl Gore is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box. Curious, he runs over to the child and says, "What`s in the box, kid?" The little boy says, "Kittens, they`re brand new kittens." Al Gore laughs and says, "What kind of kittens are they?" "Democrats," the child says. "Oh, that`s cute," Al Gore says and he runs off.A couple of days later, Al Gore is running with his buddy Bill Clinton and he spies t... Read more

Bill, Al, and Hillary all die in a plane crash. Upon reaching Heaven, they are escorted as important personages directly to see God. God looks at Bill and asks, "Bill, you`ve sinned a great deal. Why should I allow you to enter into Heaven?""Well, gee, God," replies Bill, "I`m the Pres-ee-dent of the United States. I`ve been trying to help people - you know give them universal health care and protect them from those mean-spirited Republicans who want to starve their children and throw sick old people out into the street."God considers this ... Read more

Bill Clinton & the GenieBill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a Genie`s lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold, a Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked if he got three wishes.The Genie said, "Nope...Due to inflation, constant downswing, low wages in third world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...What`ll it be?"Bill didn`t hesitate. He said, "I want to be remembered for bringing peace to the Middle East, instead of that other stuff with Monica, and Jennifer, and the rest of those women. See this map? I want these countries ... Read more

Taking up a collection for Bill ClintonA Marine Colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual, nothing is moving."He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars, so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what seems to be the hold up?"The officer replies, "The President is just so depressed that Hillary has moved to New York, and may... Read more