Cat Jokes Category

Yard SaleI was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked "Electronic cat and dog calle... Read more

Going OutA couple was going out for the evening. The last thing they did was to put the cat out.The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of the house, the cat shoots back in. So the husband goes back inside to chase it out.The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be... Read more

Washing Your CatSome people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed. That somehow they "lick" themselves clean. Well contrary to this popular belief, cats do NOT have some enzyme in their saliva that resembles Tide (with or without bleach).Cats, like their nemesis, the dog, do get dirty and have a variety of odors, from smelling like the outhouse where you camped last year to the same odor as your dog`s breath. (Remember, your dog will try to eat anything.) Now we all know that cats HATE water. And we know that giving the cat a sedative to ease this process of a bath is out of the question.So, the best approach is both sneaky and direct. Remember now, this is not the dumb dog who can be led to tub with lies and a trail of Kibbles and Bits.Although your cat has the advantage of smarts, quickness and total lack of concern for you, you have the advantage of size, strength, and the ability to wear protective garments.1. First, dress for the occasion. A 4-ply rubber wet suit is suggested, along with a helmet, face mask and welders gloves.2. A Bathtub with a glass enclosure is preferred to the one with a shower curtain. A frenzied cat can shred one of these in about 3.5 seconds.3. Have the Kitty Bubbles and towel in the enclosed bathtub area before hand. No, blow drying the cat after the bath is not suggested.4. Draw the water, making it a little warmer than needed as you still need to find the cat. Position everything strategically in the shower, so you can reach it even if you are face down or prone in the tub.5. Find your cat. Use the element of surprise. Pick the cat up, nonchalantly as if you were simply carrying him/her to the supper dish. No need to worry about the cat noticing your strange attire, the cat barely notices you anyway.6. Once you and the cat are inside the bathroom, speed is essential. In one single liquid motion, shut the door to the bathroom, step i... Read more

Great Directions here for a real clean toilet!!! easy too!!!!1. Lift both lids on your toilet bowl and add a couple of capfuls of shampoo to the water.2. Go to the other room where the cat is sleeping, pick it up and soothe it while you carry it towards the bathroom.3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (You may need to stand on the lid, afterwards). The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.(Never mind the noises that come from the toilet,... Read more

How to Train a CatOur young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don`t worry," my husband reassured me. "I`ll have him trained in no time."I watched for several days as... Read more

Bathing the CatFollowing are instructions on the best way to bathe your cat:1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Don`t get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out to grab anything they can find. The cat wi... Read more

Cat and MouseThere was a cat and a mouse who went to heaven, and they were there at the same time. Well, the mouse approaches God`s throne, and God asks him, "So, how do you like it up here?"The mouse says, "It`s nice, but could I get a pair o... Read more

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take.He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.The storeowner replies, "I`m sorry, but the cat isn`t for sale."The collector says, "Please, I need a hu... Read more

Q. Why do cats hate flying saucers?
<... Read more

Foreign LanguageA mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them.The mother mouse goes, "B... Read more