Chemistry Jokes Category

What is the chemical formula for water?Little Johnny`s teacher asks, "What is the chemical formula for water?"Little Johnny replies, "HIJKLMNO"!!The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on Earth are you talking about?"Little Johnny replies, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!" Read more

A small piece of sodium which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner."Oh Bunsen, my flame. I melt whenever I see you . . .", the sodium pined."It`s just a phase you`re going through", replied the Bunsen burner. Read more

Chemical analysis of human elementsElement name: WOMAN.Symbol: WO.Atomic weight: `Don`t even go there`.Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum,and precious gemstones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turnsslightly green when placed next to a better specimen.Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.Element: MAN.Symbol: XY.Atomic weight: (180 +/- 50).Physical properties: Solid at room temperature. Gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to age and rust, older samples are unable to conduct electricity as well as younger samples.Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (child) for prolonged periods of time. Can be neutralised by saturating with alcohol.Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source.Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell. Read more

A neutron walks into a bar, sits down and asks for a drink. Finishing, the neutron asks "How much?"The bartender says, "For you, no charge." Read more

Two hydrogen atoms bumped into each other recently.One said: "Why do you look so sad?"The other responded: "I lost an electron."Concerned, One asked "Are you sure?"The other replied "I`m positive." Read more

Q. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

A. One molar solution. Read more

Q: Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?

A. Because it`s in the ground state. Read more

Q. What is the dieter`s element?

A. Nobelium Read more

Q. If a bear in Yosemite, and one in Alaska fall into water, which one would dissolve faster?

A. The bear in Alaska because it`s polar. Read more

Table of Elements:C = carbonHo = holmiumCo = cobaltLa = lanthanumTe = telluriumCHoCoLaTe - Better living through chemistry! Read more