Chicken Jokes Category

Three-legged chickenJuan was driving down a country lane in his pickup when suddenly a chicken darted into the road in front of him. He slammed on his brakes, but realized that the chicken wasspeeding off down the road at about 30 miles an hour. Intrigued, he tried to follow the bird with his truck, but he couldn`t catch up to the accelerating chicken. Seeing itturn into a small farm, Juan followed it. To his astonishment, he realized that the chicken had three legs. Looking around the small farm, he noticed that ALL of thechickens had three legs.The farmer came out of his house, and Juan said, "Three-legged chickens? That`s astonishing!"The farmer replied, "Yep. I bred `em that way because I love drumsticks."Juan was curious. "How does a three-legged chicken taste?"The farmer smiled. "Dunno. Haven`t been able to catch one yet." Read more

A waiter approached the man studying the menu carefully at the fancy restaurant. "May I take your order, sir?" he asked."Well, I was wondering how you prepare your chickens." The man replied."Oh, it`s nothing too special, sir," the waiter confided. "We just tell them straight out that they`re going to die." Read more

Why did the chicken cross the road?To push his F-150 back into the shop Read more

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, `Buk Buk BUK.` The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them...and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,` Buk Buk BuKKOOK!` The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, `Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!` The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..." Read more

Egg HumorQuestion: If a rooster laid an egg on the top of a barn, which way would it roll?Answer: Neither, roosters don`t lay eggs.Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?Answer: Because the rooster egged her on.Question: Did you hear the one about the egg?Answer: It`s not all it`s "cracked" up to be!Question: Why can`t you tease egg whites?Answer: They can`t take a yolk.Knock, Knock!Who`s there?Omelette.Omelette who?Omelette smarter than I look!Question: What do you call an egg that goes on safari?Answer: An eggs-plorer!Question: What do you call a city of 20 million eggs?Answer: New Yolk City!Question: What happens when you tell an egg a joke?Answer: It cracks up!Question: What do you get when you put a Tasmanian Devil in a chicken coop?Answer: Deviled eggs!Question: Why did the chicken lay an egg?Answer: Because it would break if she dropped it!Question: Where did the chicken go on her vacation?Answer: Sandy EggoQuestion: Why did the egg cross the street?Answer: To get to the shell station.Question: Why did the chicken lay her eggs on a axe?Answer: She wanted to hachetQuestion: What do you call a egg who?s done lots of things?Answer: An egg who has a lot of eggsperience.Question: Where do you find information about eggs?Answer: In the hen-cyclopediaQuestion: Why is the chef so mean?Answer: She beats the eggs!Question: Did you hear the one about the egg?Answer: It`s not all it`s "cracked" up to be!Question: How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?Answer: By dropping it seven feet - it won`t break for the first six.Question: What does mummy hen call her baby?Answer: Eggs-tra specialQuestion: Why did the egg not draw a straight line?Answer: His ideas were scrambled Read more

Why did the chicken cross the road?GEORGE W. BUSH: We don`t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.AL GORE: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.COLIN POWELL: Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.HANS BLIX: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.MOHAMMED ALDOURI: (Iraq ambassador) The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don`t even have a chicken.SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.RALPH NADER: The chicken`s habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don`t know why the chicken crossed the road, but I`ll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I`ll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I`m talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.MARTHA STEWART: No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer`s market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn`t it obvious? Can`t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side. That`s what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I`ve not been told!ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. Alone.MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.GRANDPA: In my day, we didn`t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.BARBARA WALTERS: Isn`t that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.KARL MARX: It was an historical inevitability.VOLTAIRE: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one? Read more

Lena once had two chickens. One of them got terribly sick. So she killed the other one to make soup to get the first one well again. Read more

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution."Great idea!" the chicken cried."Let`s offer them ham and eggs?""Not so fast," said the pig testily. "For you, that`s a contribution. For me, it`s a total commitment." Read more

Dead Chicken GunIt seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane`s windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.The theory is that if the windshield doesn`t crack from the carcass impact, it`ll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they`re developing.They borrowed the FAA`s chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer`s chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: "Use a thawed chicken." Read more

Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?

A. It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125. Read more