Children Jokes Category

This little grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life.When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men, and she asked him why they were there.Her grandson replied, "On television, they say, `The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!`" Read more

A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"Her mother replied, "No, you can`t play with the boys, they`re too rough."The little girl thought about it for a few moments and said, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?" Read more

If you love something, set it free.If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.If it just sits in your living room and messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place -- you either married it or gave birth to it! Read more

Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit.Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks."Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was 183."Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?" Read more

Five year old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by.She told the Census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn`t home, because he was performing an appendectomy."My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?""Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks, and that doesn`t even include the anaesthesiologist!" Read more

A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer`s garden. "I`ll give you my two pennies for that tomato," said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine."No," said the farmer, "I get a dime for a tomato like that one."The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take two pennies for that one?""Yes," replied the farmer, "I`ll give you that one for two cents.""OK," said the lad, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer`s hand, "I`ll pick it up in about a week." Read more

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don`t want to go out there. It`s dark."The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don`t have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He`ll look after you and protect you."The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he`s out there?""Yes, I`m sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you`re out there, would you please hand me the broom?" Read more

An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station. The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA.Little Boy says " He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!"Officer says "Yes."Little Boy asks "Why didn`t you keep him when you took his picture?" Read more

Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time.A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together.The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. "Noah took unto himself a wife," he began, "and she was" - he turned the page to continue - "three hundred cubits long,fifty wide and thirty high." Read more

A young girl`s folks had paid a visit to the home of a neighbor one evening. The neighbor thought naturally, when she answered the doorbell the next morning and found the little girl at the door, that her parents had forgotten something."Please, Mrs. Johnston," said the girl, "may I look at your living room rug?"The woman was surprised but said, "Why, of course, Jennie. Come on in. It`s right over here."The little girl stared at the rug for several minutes. Then she turned to its owner and said unabashedly, "Well, it doesn`t make me sick." Read more