Clean Jokes Category

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of Texas A&M, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund for 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every 2 years -- say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it." Read more

Walking up to a department store`s fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That`s fine," said the girl. "I`ll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill." Read more

A resident in a posh hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning and read from the menu. "I`d like one under-cooked egg so that it`s runny, and one over-cooked egg so that it`s tough and hard to eat. I`d also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it`s impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee." "That`s a complicated order sir," said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult." The guest replied sarcastically, "It can`t be that difficult because that`s exactly what you brought me yesterday!" Read more

"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked."Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what`s the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?""Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice."No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?""Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out." Read more

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you`ve seen Juan, you`ve seen Amal." Read more

Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily. His mother asked, "What`s the matter now?" "Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer," said Johnny through his tears. "That`s not so serious," soothed his mother. "I know you`re upset, but a big boy like you shouldn`t cry at something like that. Why didn`t you just laugh?" "I did!" sobbed Johnny. Read more

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the sameway - `Take a clean dish." Read more

Test your IQ with the question below:There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one`s teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer...answer is at the bottom of the page........ Read more

Talk121 - Steaming HOT live chat with local singles. 60 minutes free talk time! CLEAN FUNNY JOKESTest your IQ with the question below:There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one`s teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer...answer is at the bottom of the page........Top 45 Oxymoron`s:45. Act naturally44. Found missing43. Resident alien42. Advanced BASIC41. Genuine imitation40. Airline Food39. Good grief38. Same difference37. Almost exactly36. Government organization35. Sanitary landfill34. Alone together33. Legally drunk32. Silent scream31. Living dead30. Small crowd29. Business ethics28. Soft rock27. Butt Head26. Military Intelligence25. Software documentation24. New classic23. Sweet sorrow22. Childproof21. "Now, then ..."20. Synthetic natural gas19. Passive aggression18. Taped live17. Clearly misunderstood16. Peace force15. Extinct Life14. Temporary tax increase13. Computer jock12. Plastic glasses11. Terribly pleased10. Computer security9. Political science8. Tight slacks7. Definite maybe6. Pretty ugly5. Twelve-ounce pound cake4. Diet ice cream3. Working vacation2. Exact estimate1. Microsoft WorksSo of course it`s difficult to learn the English language.......andlearning to spell can be pure guess work....... a. Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine. b. A backward poet writes inverse. c. A man`s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. d. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. e. Practice safe eating - always use condiments. f. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. g. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. h. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. i. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. j. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? k. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. l. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red. m. When two egotists meet, it`s an I for an I. n. A bicycle can`t stand on its own because it is two tired. o. What`s the definition of a will? (It`s a dead giveaway.) p. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. q. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes. r. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off. s. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. t. If you don`t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed. u. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. v. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. w. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. x. You feel stuck with your debt if you can`t budge it. y. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. z. He often broke into song because he couldn`t find the key. aa. Every calendar`s days are numbered. ab. A lot of money is tainted - `taint yours and `taint mine. ac. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. ad. He had a photographic memory that was never developed. ae. A plateau is a high form of flattery. af. A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large. ag. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. ah. Once you`ve seen one shopping center, you`ve seen a mall. ai. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. aj. Santa`s helpers are subordinate clauses. ak. Acupuncture is a jab well done.Letter of Recommendation -While working with Mr. Xxxxxx, I have always found himworking studiously and sincerely at his table withoutgossiping with colleagues in the office. He seldomwastes his time on useless things. Given a job, he alwaysfinishes the given assignment in time. He is alwaysdeeply engrossed in his official work, and can never befound chitchatting in the canteen. He has absolutely novanity in spite of his high accomplishment and profoundknowledge of his field. I think he can easily beclassed as outstanding, and should on no account bedispensed with. I strongly feel that Mr. Xxxxxx should bepushed to accept promotion, and a proposal to management besent away as soon as possible.Branch ManagerA second note following the report:Mr. X was present when I was writing the report mailed to youtoday. Kindly read only the alternate lines 1, 3, 5, 7, 9,.......for my true assessment of him.Regards,Branch Manager Read more

Only In America1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won`t miss a call from someone we didn`t want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America.....do we use the word `politics` todescribe the process so well: `Poli` in Latin meaning `many` and `tics` meaning bloodsucking creatures`. 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. 11. Only in America......can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House. Read more