Cowboy Jokes Category

One Sunday, a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.The cowboy said, "I`m not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I`d feed him."So the minister began his sermon.One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he had liked the sermon.The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I`m not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn`t feed him all the hay." Read more

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do...Why?"The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside, and sure enough, Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water, and soon, Silver was starting to feel a little better. TheLone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run aroundSilver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe," and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Rangerreturned to the bar to finish his drink.A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what`s wrong with him this time?"The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, "Nothing, but you left yourInjun runnin`." Read more

More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance."This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows.""I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?" Read more

A Cowboy`s Guide to Life1. Don`t squat with your spurs on.2. Don`t interfere with something that ain`t bothering you none.3. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.4. Always drink upstream from the herd.5. Telling a man to git and making him do it are two entirely different propositions.6. When you give a personal lesson in meanness to a critter or to a person don`t be surprised if they learn their lesson.7. If you`re riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it`s still back there.8. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.9. If you get to thinking you`re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else`s dog around.10. And never, ever, miss a good opportunity to shut up. Read more

Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church."When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began."You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a worldly fellow."I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued."The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him."Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on."That would be the usher," Charlie explained."Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said."You mean the aisle," Charlie said."Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued."Pew," Charlie retorted."Yeah," recalled Joe. "That`s what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her." Read more

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.No one answered."I`m gonna have another beer and if my horse ain`t back outside by the time I`m finished, I`m gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don`t want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!"Some of the locals shifted restlessly.He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town.The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, what happened in Texas?"The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!" Read more

Did you know that during branding, cowboys have sore calves? Or that cowboys in a rodeo can be sure to get a few bucks? Read more

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you`re only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn`t budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don`t get up from there, I`m going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned.The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what`s you`re name?""Sam," the cowboy moaned."Where ya from, Sam?"With pain in his voice Sam replied.... "The balcony." Read more

I think the political correctness is getting ridiculous. Today I overheard a little boy say he was going to go play a game of Cattle Management Specialists and Native Americans. Read more

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He`s going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back.""Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He`ll always be just a good ol` boy. When he walks in, I`m sure all he`ll say is hello.""I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He`s so smart, he`ll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now." Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, "Audi, partners!" Read more