Doctor Jokes Category

Doctor: You need Glasses
Patient: How did you know?
Doctor: I could tell, when you walk through the window!
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A man walks into the Doctors with an apple in one ear, a banana in the other ear and grapes up his nose. He says, "Doctor, what's happening to me?" The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly. Read more

A psychiatrist was trying to comfort a new patient who was terribly upset. "You see, Doc, the patient explained, "my problem is that I like shoes much better than I like boots. "Why, that`s no problem, answered the doctor. "Most people like shoes better than boots.
The patient was thrilled, "That`s neat, Doc. How do you like them, fried or scrambled?
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Grandma Goldberg, a woman of 85, was slowly ambling
down the street when she met her physician Dr. Cohen.
Dr. Cohen, a dapper graying man in his early 60's
asked the elderly lady-- "Mrs. Goldberg how are you
feeling?"

For a long moment the woman gave the good doctor a
terrible stare and then she said -- "You ask me how
I'm feeling! I'll tell you how I'm feeling!! My legs
hurt, my chest is sore, my heart is beating too fast
and I can't sleep!!! I have horrible headaches
and stomach pains too!"

The good doctor looked at the elderly lady with
compassion, "If you're feeling so awful, why don't you
come and see me right away?"

Grandma Goldberg let out a sigh and said, "I was
just waiting until I felt a little better."

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Psychiatrist to patient: "You have nothing to worry about - anyone who can pay my bill is certainly not a failure." Read more

In the doctors office two patients are talking "You know, I had an appendectomy last month and the doctor left a sponge in me by mistake" "A sponge!" exclaims the other "And do you feel much pain" "No pain at all", says the first, "but do I get thirsty!" Read more

What does it mean when the doctor says you have six months to live? You have five months to pay!
How can you tell if you have a cheap doctor? He takes Friday off to play miniature golf.
When does a doctor suggest emergency surgery? When he's ready for a new sports car!
What advice don't you want to hear from a doctor before an operation? Whatever you do, don't go into the light. Read more

At a psychiatrist a man says, Doctor, I think there are two of me.
The doctor replies, Well, why don`t you both sit down and one of you tell me all about it.

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A young woman gazed up from her hospital bed at the very handsome doctor who was examining her chart. She fluttered her eyelids and said, "They tell me that your are a real lady killer. The doctor smiled and shook his head. "No, I make no distinction between the sexes. Read more

A man was feeling terribly out of sorts and decided to go to the doctor so
he made an appointment and showed up the next day. After the doctor
examined the man, the doctor invited him into his office for the
consultation. The doctor came into the room with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor told the man to take the red pill in the morning with a big glass
of water, the blue pill in the afternoon with a big glass of water and the
green pill in the evening with a big glass of water.
The man, terribly shocked at the amount of pills he had to take asked the
doctor what in the world was wrong with him.
The doctor replied, "You aren't getting enough water." Read more