Drinking Jokes Category

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed... Read more

A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.The bartende... Read more

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what`ll you have?"The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they`re gone. He then orders three more.The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don`t have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I`ll bring you a fresh cold one."The man says, "You don`t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the State... Read more

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.To prove their theory... Read more

We`ve got our own recipe for Irish stew: Get some meat, some potatoes and... Read more

A dinner party of different nationalities had arrived at a restaurant. They each ordered a glass of wine, but when the wine arrived they noticed that each of the glasses had a fly in it.* The Swede demanded to have new wine in the same glass.* The Englishman demanded to have new wine in a new glass.* The Finn picked the fly out of the wine and drank the wine.* The Russian drank the wine, fly and all.* The Chinese ate the fly but left the wine.* The Jew caught t... Read more

Sandy was drinking at a pub all night. When he got up to leave, he fell flat on his face. He tried to stand again, but to no avail, falling flat on his face. He decided to crawl outside and get some fresh air to see whether that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and, sure enough, fell flat on his face. So, being a practical Scot, he crawled all the way home.When he got to the door, he stood up yet again, but fell flat on his face. ... Read more

Paddy was an inveterate drunkard. The priest met him one day, and gave him a strong lecture about drink. He said, "If you continue drinking as you do, you`ll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually ... Read more

The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings co... Read more

This simple five question test will help determine how drunk you really are. Begin by answering each of the five questions below truthfully. Then determine your score based on question answer values provided. Lastly, compare your score to the results for a final answer.1. Think about your wife. In your mind, is she: (a) the most beautiful woman alive; (b) a beautiful woman; (c) attractive; (d) ugly as sin.2. Think about your job. In your mind, is it: (a) the best job on the planet; (b) a good job; (c) a decent job; (d) the most annoying job ever.3. Try walking. What happened? Did you: (a) find it impossible to stand up; (b) fall after standing up; (c) walk fifty feet before falling flat on your face; (d) walk one thousand feet without falling.4. How did you get to the bar? I got here in: (a) my brand new chauffer-driven limo; (b) a brand new car; (c) a used car; (d) a rented, rusted, and damaged 1950 japanese import.5. What do you think of your strength? I am: (a) invincible; (b) stronger than anyone in the bar; (c) as strong as the average man; (d) a weak and pathetic being.Question answer valuesFor every question answered with an A, add ten points.For every question answered with a B, add five points.For every question answered with a C, do not change the score.For every que... Read more