Driving Jokes Category

The mother and father had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party.The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30 AM the girl sleepily wal... Read more

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I`ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it." A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His fathe... Read more

Please note that Banks are installing new "Drive-through" teller machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.MALE PROCEDURE* 1 Drive up to the cash machine.* 2 Put down your car window.* 3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.* 4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.* 5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt.* 6 Put window up.* 7 Drive off.FEMALE PROCEDURE* 1 Drive up to cash machine.* 2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine.* 3 Set parking Brake, Put the window down.* 4 Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card.* 5 Turn the radio down.* 6 Attempt to insert card into machine.* 7 Attempt to insert card into machine.* 8 Open car door to allow easier ... Read more

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:Officer: May I see your driver`s license?Driver: I don`t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.Officer: May I see the owner`s card for this vehicle?Driver: It`s not my car. I stole it.Officer: The car is stolen?Driver: That`s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner`s card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.Officer: There`s a gun in the glove box?Driver: Yes sir. That`s where I put it after shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.Officer: There`s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?Driver: Yes, sir.Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle ... Read more

I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college buddy, Gary, arrived in his ancient Maserati sports car. He had just driven it from Ohio, and as he pulled into my driveway, the car broke down.Calls to auto-supply houses and garages in search of replacement parts proved futile. The 1962 model was simply too rare. Respons... Read more

The Top 10 Signs You May Be a Bad Driver10> You have a reserved parking space with your name on it -- at traffic court.9> You spend an inordinate amount of time scraping hair and bone out of your front grille.8> You get more unwanted tickets than friends and family of the Detroit Tigers.7> After less than 10 minutes in your car, Saddam and his sons change their minds and now "feel like walking to Jordan."6> Your family already has a roadside cross ready to mark the inevitable spot.5> Earl Scheib just named his new 160-foot yacht after you.4> You see more... Read more

I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mi... Read more

A truck driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his duty, he stopped to give the priest a ride. A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and aimed his truck at him. At the last second, he thought of the priest with him and realize... Read more

Two blondes were observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger:Blonde #1 said, "I can`t seem... Read more

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.The truck`s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.The blonde started l... Read more