Elderly Jokes Category

There were three sons who wanted to get their mom a present for her birthday. One son decided that she wanted a bigger house and bought her a mansion. The second son decided that she didn't want to drive by herself so he got her a limo. The third son thought that she was lonely and got her a parrot. The mom gave the first son a thank you saying that she didn't want the house. She gave the second son a letter that said she didn't want the limo. She gave the third son a thank you saying the chicken was good. Read more

An old man is talking to his friends. He says, "I`ve got my health, everything is fine, my mind, knock wood¦ who`s there? Read more

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.
When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.
"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion." Read more

Two old buddies went fishing and one lost his dentures over the side of the boat in rough weather, so his prankster friend removed his own false teeth, tied them on his line and pretended he had caught the missing gnashers.
Unhooking the teeth, his grateful mate tried to put them into his mouth, then hurled them into the sea with the disgusted remark: "They`re not mine “ they don`t fit!
Read more

"I see you`re losing your hair.
"Nonsense. I know exactly where it is “ down the bathroom sink.
Read more

The elderly couple stood before the family court judge after a lengthy divorce trial. The judge addressed the woman who was seventy-five years old, "So, Mrs. C., after 50 years of marriage, love tears, babies, grandbabies, birthdays, sicknesses and joys, why now do you want to divorce Mr. C.?" Mrs.C. looked at her husband and then at the judge and replied to the judge, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!" Read more

Six packets of mothballs, please, said an old lady to the chemist.
"But I sold you six packets yesterday.
"I know, but my aim`s not very good and I keep missing them.
Read more

A recently widow says to her friend, "Oh don`t talk to me about lawyers
"I`ve had so much trouble settling my late husband`s estate that I sometimes whish he hadn`t died¦.
Read more

An elderly lady was sitting in a restaurant crying silently with tears collecting in a bowl of soup. Noticing this, the waiter walked over to her and politely said,"Lady that soup don't need no more salt". Read more

"What are you learning at school now, Sue? Asked her Granny.
"French, German, and we`ve just started Algebra.
"Really? said the old lady, impressed. "I used to learn French and German but
I have never heard anyone speak Algebra.
Read more