Election Jokes Category

During last night`s debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage. —Conan O`Brien Read more

Ralph Nader announced he`s running for president after a new poll found he`d get .5% of the vote. Nader`s slogan: `Eat my dust Kucinich.` —Craig Kilborn Read more

A big weekend for the candidates. President Bush highlighted his foreign policy, and then John Kerry emphasized his war record, and then Ralph Nader bragged about an article he wrote on toasters that explode. —Craig Kilborn Read more

As of midnight Thursday night, John Kerry began receiving Secret Service protection, a three-car detail of special agents, and a bullet proof limousine pulled up in front of his house and stayed there all night. See, that`s what you get when you`re the frontrunner. Dennis Kucinich got a whistle and a can of mace. —Jay Leno Read more

John Edwards is a seasoned trial lawyer. You think a lawyer would make a good president? You know I look at it this way, if we`re going to consistently have liars in the White House, why not get a professional? —Jay Leno Read more

Howard Dean ended his campaign for president this week, but so far he has refused to endorse another candidate. As a result Dean received thank you notes from both John Kerry and John Edwards. —Conan O`Brien Read more

Today was the Wisconsin primary ... But they say it looks like Howard Dean is doing worse than expected. Worse than expected? That must be pretty bad since he was expected to drop out of the race. What now, is he being deported? —Jay Leno Read more

John Edwards said earlier today that after Wisconsin`s primary, he will have achieved the goal of a two-man race. The bad news for Edwards is that the two men are John Kerry and George Bush. —Jay Leno Read more

An Internet rumor claims that John Kerry had an affair with a young woman. When asked if this was similar to the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, a spokesman said `Close, but no cigar.` —Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live`s Weekend Update Read more

Presidential campaign getting kind of ugly, did you hear about this? Yesterday, a 27-year-old woman came for to deny rumors that she had an affair with Democratic front-runner John Kerry. The woman added, `I would never cheat on Bill Clinton.` —Conan O`Brien Read more