Election Jokes Category

You`ve heard about the big race in Iowa, the Iowa caucuses. It`s amazing. Right now, it`s too close to tell who`s going to get their ass kicked by Bush. —Craig Kilborn Read more

Take John Kerry — the man who fell off the radar — he may win this thing. Not bad for war hero turned senator. Or John Edwards — polling a surprising second -- quite a coup for the bastard son of a retarded mill worker. Let`s not forget the screamer with braces on two legs, Dennis Kucinich. ... If he can overtake the one testicled half man/half monkey Howard Dean, he could then easily edge out Richard Gephardt — the pleasant freckled face congressman —Daily Show correspondent Rob Corrdry Read more

The race for the Democratic nomination is getting tight. In Iowa, it is a four-way dead heat — Dean, Kerry, Edwards and Gephardt. It is so close, Fox News doesn`t know who to smear. —Bill Maher Read more

Good news for Democratic hopeful Joe Lieberman. According to the polls, he just pulled ahead of mad cow disease. —Craig Kilborn Read more

According to the latest polls, the race in Iowa between John Kerry, Howard Dean and Dick Gephardt could end in a three-way tie. Political experts say there hasn`t been a three way in politics since Bill Clinton. —Conan O`Brien Read more

Big news — Carol Moseley Braun dropped out of the Democratic presidential race after a poll revealed she was only 98 points ahead of Joe Lieberman. —Craig Kilborn Read more

Last night we had Carol Moseley Braun on the program. She`s explaining to me why she should be the next president of the United States. I get home that night, check the Internet, and she dropped out of the race. ... My guess is this whole presidential run was a ruse to get on this program. Gore did the same thing. —Daily Show host Jon Stewart Read more

Al Sharpton said the Democratic Party has to stop treating blacks as their mistresses. Sharpton then explained a mistress is where they take you out to have fun, but they don`t take you home. Was that really necessary to explain what a mistress is to Democrats? —Jay Leno Read more

Senator Joe Lieberman said his campaign is now picking up momentum, which tends to happen when you`re rolling downhill. —Jay Leno Read more

Presidential candidate Wesley Clark called for a new probe for the war in Iraq — he wants to know why he was initially in favor of it. —Jay Leno Read more