Engineer Jokes Category

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They`re heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and their tails are interchangeable."The fifth surgeon says "I like engineers . They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end." Read more

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit`s package."The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"And the HR Person said, "Certainly, ...but you started it." Read more

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.Engineer: What`s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!Doctor: I don`t know but I`ve never seen such ineptitude!Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let`s have a word with him.Priest: Hi George. Say George, what`s with that group ahead of us? They`re rather slow aren`t they?George: Oh yes. That`s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight hile saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!(silence)Priest: That`s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.Doctor: Good idea. And I`m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there`s anything he can do for them.Engineer: Why can`t these guys play at night? Read more

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines.They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is." The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:"One chalk mark $1. Knowing where to put it $49,999" Read more

Normal people believe that if it isn`t broke, don`t fix it.Engineers believe that if it isn`t broke, it doesn`t have enough features yet. Read more

Alabama Professional Engineers Exam1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum.2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?- `66 Ford Fairlane- `69 Chevrolet Chevelle- `64 Pontiac GTO3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man`s land?8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside? Read more