Entertainment Jokes Category

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: "Change your course 10 degree east.
The light signals back: "Change yours, 10 degrees west.
Angry, the captain sends: "I`m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!
"I`m a seaman, second class, comes the reply. "Change your course, sir.
Now the captain is furious. "I`m a battleship! I`m not changing course!
There is one last reply. "I`m a lighthouse. Your call.
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By the time the soldier pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere", he pleaded with a proprietor. "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, but he is an Air Force guy" admitted the manager, and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you.
" No problem." the tired Army guy assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the soldier came down to breakfasts bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better", said the soldier. The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring all night long?" "No, I shut him up in no time", explained the soldier.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the proprietor.
"Well, he was already in bed, sno Read more

Our generation never got a break. When we were young they taught us to respect our elders. Now that we are older, they tell us to listen to the youth of the country. Read more

Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps,
Bug-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants!
I'm about to tell you a story I've never heard before,
So pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
Admission is free, so pay at the door.

One fine day, in the middle of the night,
two, dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and saved the lives of the two dead boys.
If you don't believe my lies are true,
ask the blind man, he saw it too!

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There was a lady who had triplets. Shut up, Be quiet, and Trouble. One day she told the boys to go buy her some milk from the store. They set off. When they got there the walked around looking for the dairy section. Somewhere along the line a big mob of people came and Trouble got lost. Shut Up and Be Quiet went to a police officer that was buying some bread.
Officer: What is your name?
Shut Up: Shut Up.
Officer: What is your name?
Shut Up: Shut Up.
Since Shut Up was not cooperating he asked Be Quiet.
Officer: What is your name?
Be Quiet: Be Quiet.
Officer: What is your name?
Be Quiet: Be Quiet.
Officer:(really getting irritated) Are you guys looking for trouble?
Shut up and Be quiet: YES, YES, HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?
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Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!" Read more

A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
"Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?" "To kill my husband."
"I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!"
The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.
The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist's wife.
He takes the photo, and nods. "I didn't realize you had a prescription!"

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It was a stormy night. A guy was driving in some mountains and his car broke down. He stopped it by a tree and walked down the highway looking for help. A headlight started to approach him from behind. He turned back and noticed a car coming forth very slowly. He walked up to it, opened the door, and sat on the passenger's seat. Then he suddenly notices that there was no driver, but the car was moving!
Before the guy could decide what to do, a sharp turn appeared a few meters before the car and it seemed that the car was going to go off the cliff. The guy trembled in fright, but a pale hand came in from the open window and turned the steering wheel! When the car finished turning around the curve, the hand withdrew. Every time there was a turn, the same hand would come in and guide the wheels of the car to safety.
The guy could not believe all this. As soon as he saw the lights of some rest stop by the road he jumped off the car and ran into a bar, pale, wet, tremb Read more

YOU LIVE IN CALIFORNIA WHEN - -

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
5. You drive to your neighborhood block party.
6. Someone asks you how far away something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK WHEN - -

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty.
3. You can get into a 4-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
4. You think Central Park is "nature."
5. You believe that being Read more

Two guys met in the middle of the desert. One was carrying a car door, the other an umbrella. The one with the car door said to the guy with the umbrella, "Why are you carrying that umbrella around, it isn't going to rain in the desert?" To which the guy with the umbrella replies, "Yeah, but it keeps me out of the sun! By the way, why are you carrying around that car door, you don`t even have a car to go with it The guy with the car door says, "yeah, well at least if I get too hot from the sun I can just roll down the window!" Read more