Farmer Jokes Category

Q: Why did the farmer receive an award?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field (out standing in his field)
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A motorist, after being bogged down in a muddy road, paid a passing farmer fifty dollars to pull him out with his tractor. After he was back on dry ground he said to the farmer, "At those prices, I should think you would be pulling people out of the mud night and day."

"Can't," replied the farmer. "At night I haul water for the hole." Read more

A man`s car stalled on a country road. When he got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. "Your trouble is probably in the carburetor, said the cow.
Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. He told the farmer his story.
"Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye? asked the farmer.
"Yes, yes, the man replied.
"Oh! I would not listen to Bessie, said the farmer. "She does not know anything about cars.
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A Montana sheep farmer was driving down the road outside of Billings one day when a State Trooper pulls him over and says, "Hey buddy, you know you just made a U-turn"?
The farmer replies, "I did? I know sometimes I make their eyes roll." Read more

Farmer Emmitt had just finished cutting up hog meat when he gave his wife two hams and said, "Cora take these two hams and put them up for hard times." Cora took the hams and put them in the freezer. One week later while Cora was sitting on the porch, an old truck pulled up and a man with an unfamiliar face got out. The man said, "Hello there Cora, how's it going." Cora replied, "Do I know you?" The man said, "You should, I'm very popular around here. They call me Hard Time." Cora jumped up and said, hold on a minute I got a package for you. She ran in the kitchen grabbed the two hams and gave them to the man. The man said well thank you Mrs. Cora that's rather nice of you, then left. A couple of days later Emmitt asked Cora about cooking one of those hams he gave her to put up for hard times. Cora said, "Hard Time done came and got the hams already and it wouldn't be right to ask for one back! Read more

Q:Why did the farmer feed his cow money?
A:Because he wanted rich milk Read more

a really poor farm family is about to kill their last pig before they hit the streets but then the son comes up with an idea and says well why dont we stick a cork up its butt so it cant poop and it will get really big so they did once the pig got big they couldnt get anyone to take the cork out so they trained a monkey to do it it could pull any kind of cork so it pulled the cork and poop went everywhere the farmer saw a guy about 50 yards out and about ankle high in poop and went up to him to check and see if he was okay he was he asked a guy about 25 yards away about knee high in crap the same question same thing he was fine he comes to a guy 10 yards awaay laughing the farmer says why are you laughing your neck hi in turds the man replies you should have seen the monkeys face when he tried to put the cork back in Read more