Fishing Jokes Category

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I`d like to see your fishing licenses.""We don`t have any." replied the first blonde."Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden."But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren`t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we`re collecting debris off the bottom of the river."The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn`t he know that there are steelhead in this river?!" Read more

The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."The American then asked, "Why didn`t you stay out longer and catch more fish?"The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family`s needs."The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise."The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"To which the American replied, "15 to 20 years.""But what then?" asked the Mexican.The American laughed and said that`s the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.""Millions?...Then what?"The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos." Read more

Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all, while the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secret is."mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm," is the reply."I`m sorry, what did you say?""mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm," the successful fisherman repeats."I`m sorry, I still didn`t understand you." The man spits something into his hand and says very clearly,"You`ve got to keep your worms warm." Read more

A guy gets up really early in the morning to go ice fishing. He goes out onto the ice with his tent, his pick and his fishing rod, and starts to pick at the ice. Then he hears a big booming voice: "THERE`S NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"The guy looks around and then starts to pick at the ice again. Then he hears the voice again: "THERE`S NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"Now the guy is getting a little edgy. He looks up, "God, is that you?"There is no answer, so he starts picking again. "THERE`S NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!"Then the guy yells "God! is that you?""NO, IT`S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK!!" Read more

A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along."I`ll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn`t catch a thing!""Oh, next time I`m sure she`ll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said.The boy said, "It wasn`t that. She ate all the bait." Read more

Q. What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?

A. One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish!Q. What is the difference between a female lawyer and a catfish?

A. One`s slimy and has whiskers, and the other one lives in the water.TRIVIA: The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds, that makes the catfish rank #1 for animal having the most taste buds.Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?""Why do you want me to throw them at you?""Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them.""Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy.""But why?""Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, Ishould tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight." Read more

A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish than anyone else. Whereas the other guys would only catch three or four fish a day, Sam would come in from the lake with a boat full of fish. Stringer after stringer was packed with freshly caught trout. The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret. The successful fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and observe.So the next morning, the two met at the dock and took off in Sam`s boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done.Sam`s approach was simple: He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it into the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up.Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam, "You can`t do this! I`ll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the book!"Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game warden with these words: "Are you going to sit there all day complaining, or are you going to fish?" Read more

The Minnesota Fish and Game Comission wanted to develop a fish thatwould offer more for their sportsmen so they crossed a Coho with aWalleye and called it a Kowal. It grew to a nice size and reproduced well but it wouldn`t bite. They crossed the Kowal with a Muskie and called it a Kowalski but they were so stupid they had to teach them how to swim. Read more

Ole and Sven went fishing one summer and decided to rent a boat from the resort instead of fishing from the shore. They rowed out a ways and started to fish. They caught one fish after the other.Ole says to Sven, "I wish we could mark this spot. It?s the best fishing I`ve seen since I was a boy."Sven replied, "I got some chalk in my tackle box, so why don`t I put an X right here on the bottom of the boat?"Ole laughed, "You goofy brother of mine...What if we don`t rent the same boat next time." Read more

A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat.He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious the man rowed over and asked, "What is the mirror for?""That`s my secret way to catch fish," said the other man. "Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat.""Wow! Does that really work?""You bet it does.""Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I`ll give you $30 for it.""Well, okay."After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?""You`re the sixth," he said. Read more