Food Jokes Category

Ice Cream Knock KnocksKnock! Knock!Who`s there?Ice cream!Ice cream who?Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!Knock! Knock!Who`s th... Read more

The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers befo... Read more

When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbequing beef every Friday. Since they couldn`t eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. Hoping they could do something to stop this, the neighbors got together and went over to talk to Ole. "Ole," they said, "since you are the only Lutheran in this whole town and there`s not a Lutheran church for many miles, we think you should join our church and become a Catholic." Ole thought about it for a minute and decided they were probably right. Ole talked to the prie... Read more

There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He`s scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not... Read more

One of my daughter`s wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. "Get the owner`s manual!... Read more

Fat TheologyAnd God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetable of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.And Satan created McDonald`s. And McDonald`s brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.And Satan brought forth chocolate. And woman gained pounds.And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."And Satan brought forth ice cream. And woman gained pounds.And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.And Man... Read more

Juan was driving down a country lane in his pickup when suddenly a chicken darted into the road in front of him. He slammed on his brakes, but realized that the chicken wasspeeding off down the road at about 30 miles an hour. Intrigued, he tried to follow the bird with his truck, but he couldn`t catch up to the accelerating chicken. Seeing itturn into a small farm, Juan followed it. To his astonishment, he ... Read more

The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you have?""Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted h... Read more

There`s a little old Christian lady living next door to an atheist. Every morning the lady comes out onto her front porch and shouts "Praise the Lord!".The atheist yells back, "There is no God".She does this every morning with the same result. As time goes on, the lady runs into financial difficulties and has trouble buying food. She goes out onto the porch and asks God for help with groceries, th... Read more

Read aloud for best results (and some semblance of comprehension). This was nominated "best email of 1997".The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review...Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service"RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"G: "Uh..yes..I`d like some bacon and eggs"RS: "Ow July den?"G: "What??"RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?"G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"G: "Crisp will be fine."RS : "Hokay. An San tos?"G: "What?"RS:"San tos. July S... Read more