Football Jokes Category

As in many homes on New Year`s Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important - the football games on television, or the dinner itself. To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cold drink for me. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing."See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn`t miss a thing." Read more

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she like the game.`I liked it, but I couldn`t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents,` she said.`What do you mean?` he asked.`Well, everyone kept yelling, `Get the quarter back!` Read more

It`s hard to find quality field-goal kickers for the Islamic Football League, because league rules allow for kickers who miss from inside 30 yards to have their feet amputated. Read more

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I`m not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?""Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!" Read more

Q: How many Vikings does it take to win a Superbowl?

A. No one knows, and we may never find out! Read more

Years ago famed Chicago Bears coach George Halas was screaming at a referee from outside the designated coaching area when the ref slapped George with a 5 yard penalty.Halas threw down his hat and yelled at the referee, "you imbecile, it`s a fifteen yard penalty, not a five yarder for coaching outside the box" -- to which the referee supposedly replied, "I know, but the wayyou coach George, it`ll only be five". Read more

A Denver Broncos fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Mile High Stadium, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was.The guy said, "Yes, that`s my wife`s seat. We have never missed a game since the Craig Morton days, but now my wife is dead."The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad that he couldn`t find some relative to give the ticket to and enjoy the game together."Oh no." the guy said. "They`re all at the funeral." Read more

Two guys are talking about their boss`s upcoming wedding.One says, "It`s ridiculous, he`s rich, but he`s 93 years old, and she`s just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?"The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family.""What do you call it?""We call it a football wedding."The first asks, "What`s a football wedding?"The other says, "She`s waiting for him to kick off!" Read more

John Elway, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Broncos flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, John," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." John felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house.On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with a Green & White & Silver sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous EAGLES logo flag, and in every window, an Eagles emblem. John looked at God and said "God, I`m not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I won 2 Super Bowls, and I even went to the Hall of Fame."God said "So what`s your point John?""Well, why does Donovan McNabb get a better house than me?"God chuckled, and said "John, that`s not Donovan`s house, it`s mine." Read more

One man to another, "My wife thinks I put football before marriage, even though we just celebrated our third season together." Read more