New DefinitionsAtom Bomb :An invention to end all ...

New DefinitionsAtom Bomb :An invention to end all inventions.Boss :Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.Cigarette :A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.Classic :A book which people praise, but do not read.Committee :Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.Compromise :The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.Conference :The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.Conference Room :A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.Criminal :A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.Dictionary :A place where success comes before work.Diplomat :A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.Divorce :Future tense of marriage.Doctor :A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.Etc. :A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.Experience :The name men give to their mistakes.Father:A banker provided by nature.Lecture :An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"Miser :A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.Office :A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.Opportunist :A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.Optimist :A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."Philosopher :A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.Politician :One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.Smile :A curve that can set a lot of things straight.Tears :The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power...Yawn :The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns red when your carapproaches.DIVORCE -- postgraduate in School of Love.PIONEER -- early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.PEOPLE -- some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what`s happened.SWIMMING POOL -- a mob of people with water in it.SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut.SALESMAN -- man with ability to convince wife she`d look fat in mink.CANNIBAL -- person who likes to see other people stewed.EGOCENTRIC -- a person who believes he is everything you know you are.FOREIGN FILM -- any movie shown in a Texas theater that isn`t a western.OPTIMIST -- girl who regards a bulge as a curve.MAGAZINE -- bunch of printed pages that tell you what`s coming in the next issue.COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to thetelephone.EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, fire department and places that deliver.OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.BUFFET: A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself."BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers.TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.