Grandmother Jokes Category

A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the following:"We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people."They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear nametags because they don`t know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now.They play games and do exercises there, but they don`t do them very well. There is a swimming pool, too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don`t know how to swim.At their gate, there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts.My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds. Some of the people can`t get past the man in the dollhouse to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it potluck.My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day, too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren." Read more

An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. "You`ve got so many freckles, there`s no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella.Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles," she said, while tracing her finger across the child`s cheek. "Freckles are beautiful."The boy looked up, "Really?""Of course," said the grandmother. "Why, just name me one thing that`s prettier than freckles."The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma`s face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles." Read more

Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife were expecting their first baby. I was elated when he called me at work with the news of my grandchild`s birth. I took down all the statistics and turned to relate it all to my co-workers."I`m a grandmother!" I declared. "It`s a baby girl, and she weighs five pounds.""When was she born?" someone asked.Recalling the date my son told me, I stopped, looked at the calendar, and said in amazement, "Tomorrow!" Read more

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I`m surprised at you. Don`t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember." Read more

A little boy asked his grandmother what year she was born.She told him she was born in 1935."Wow!" the boy exclaimed. "If you were a baseball card, you`d be worth lots of money. Read more