Health Jokes Category

When a physician remarked on a new patient`s extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family.""Your mother`s side or your father`s?" I aske... Read more

It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This en... Read more

HMO Q & AQ. What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, `Hey, Moe!` Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Dr. Moe Howard of "The Three Stoogies " who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan. These doctors basically fall into two categories those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don`t worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day`s drive away and that diploma from a small Caribbean Island is very fresh.Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

A. No. Only those you need.Q. What are preexisting conditions?

A. This is a term used by the grammatically ch... Read more

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet."I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you`ll have lost at least five pounds."When the blonde returns, she`s lost near... Read more

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people -- such as getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you`ll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!DAY ONEBreakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the .75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing. Leave the rest to die.Bedtime snack: Steal one green bean from your spouse`s or partner`s plate. Bat it around the floor until it goes under the refrigerator. Steal one small piece of chicken and eat half of it. Leave the other half on the sofa. Throw out the remaining gourmet cat food from the can you opened this morning.DAY TWOBreakfast: Picking up the remaining chicken bite from the sofa. Knock it onto the carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew on the corner of the newspaper as your spouse/partner tries to read it.Lunch: Break into the fresh French bread that you bought as your part of the dinner party on Saturda... Read more

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack`s Last Will and Testament:"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars. To my son Barr... Read more

The smoke detector industry is covering up research showing more people are injured every year falling fro... Read more

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.The blonde followed the doctor`s advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find ... Read more